My poor tootsies.

::sigh:

Sometimes nothing beats a nice hot shower.

Granted, my feet still hurt, my back is stiff, and for some reason my stomach has decided to be upset.  That's fine though.  I'll get past that, and it will be for the better.

I had no idea how out of shape I was until I tried standing in one spot for 8 hours.  Yeah.  But this is good.  This job is for a reason.  Its to get me back on my feet, back into the shape I thought I was in.  Shape enough to do the HARD work later (or sooner, I hope).

Speaking of hard work.  Right now, Pete is sitting across the table from me, wondering if he is going to have to go out on a call for his job.  Its 10 PM.  It kinda sucks, but c'est la vie.  You only live once, and years later he will be able to tell the tale of that time he had to go off-roading in the fields of North Dakota in the middle of the night.  Sounds kinda badass really.

I'm starting to find somewhat of a groove at Walmart.  Thats not good.  Its not bad, per se, but I really don't want to get attached to this job, because its not the money I want, or need.  I'm starting to get quick on the register, and I'm starting to get better at bagging.  That's the tough part for me.  At first I was trying to adhere to some non-existant standard of bagging, but bagging is really an art.  I could get into it, but really, you don't care.

I walked home the other nite, too.  With a backpack.  It wasn't TOO bad.  2.2 miles or something like that.  Mostly downhill, too.  I mean, yeah, I was tired, but I'm FAT, of course I was tired.  It does me good, too, to get walking.  Maybe the first time I come back to Illinois will shock some people.  Maybe not, but with as little as I've been eating, and as much as I've been doing stuff, I HAVE to be losing weight.

There really isn't that much going on, otherwise.  Occasionally at Walmart I'll come across a field worker that likes to chit chat and he will give me some routes to try for getting a job out there.  I did talk to a guy from Target Logistics.  I asked if he could get me an interview and he took my name, but I'm sure he was just being nice.

Oh.  Apparantly it was hot today.  I can't really be sure of that, since I spent the entirety of it indoors, but I could kinda tell from the constant wave of screaming crabby children today.  10 hours is really all I can take of toddler whine/screaming.  After awhile it really justs cuts at your soul like a cheese grater. Seriously.  If I ever have kids, that kind of public behavior will not be tolerated.

My next day off if Thursday.  I have a few things on the agenda.  I will probably update again then.

Ow, my brain.

Ok, so. Been a busy few days.

I started at Walmart yesterday. I had orientation for 8 hours. Watched some corny videos, read up on policy, filled out some paperwork. The typical fun orientation stuff. Today consisted of computer training programs for 9 hours. Tomorrow is probably going to be the same. My brain is already mush, so I have no idea how I'm going to get through it tomorrow.

On a positive note, my shirt and khaki's got here right on time, so that worked out. Thank's Gramma!

It keeps raining. Like, it started 2 nites ago, and keeps raining off and on. I did see the sun for about 12 minutes today. Then it rained again. Its raining right now. In case you didn't know, this is a pretty dirty state, so when it rains, it becomes a very muddy state. Very. Muddy. I hope it stops soon, because I don't want to habe to do another $3.50 load of laundry already.

I have an interview tomorrow. I'm probably going to sneak it in on my break at Walmart, during mind-numbing computer sim-o-rama. Its at the Holiday Inn for a housekeeping job. If it pays more or offers housing, I'm so there. I'm just tired of making the bare minimum. I need some kind of positive valuation.

Some creepy guy at Walmart yesterday tried talking to me as I was leaving. He was like, "How was orientation? Good? I really think you're going to like it here." But he said it all creepy, like he was lobotomized...

That's all I really have. Nothing philosophical this time. Just an update as to how we are doing. My brain is too squishy today.

+10 Days

Today is April 16th. We have been in North Dakota for 10 days now. A lot has happened in 10 days. Its all just one big blur to me.

Pete is "officially" starting his on the job training today. Thats good. Time for him to start racking in the hours. I start at Walmart on Wednesday, so thats more income. I really hope I get a call from somewhere else, making more money, though.

We had a bit of an incident yesterday involving housing. We were up in Pete's room at the house he was staying at, and we were being pretty quiet when his roomate came in and threw some kind of hissy fit over doors and a TV and sleep or something and then said something to the effect of "if I can't sleep then you better start looking for another place to live."

Way to be a dick.

Pete was pretty pissed, and rightfully so, I mean, it was uncalled for to blame 1 person of the 4 that live there, on top of the completely hostile approach he took towards it. Be a little more civil, and things would be different. So now Pete is looking into getting switched to a different house. I can't say I blame him. I wouldn't want to live with some punk that thinks he is lord of the manor in a rental house.

I'm starting to get used to sleeping in the back of this Dakota. So much so, that last nite I turned down a real bed because I felt more comfortable and safe in my little rolling apartment. Maybe its some form of Stockholm Syndrome, but I happen to think this thing is kind of cozy. Although, I did get to actually make a hot meal last nite. It was only stovetop ramen, but it was hot, and tasty.

I've been thinking lately about maturity. There is a saying that for some people High School never ends. I think its true, to some point, that some people never really evolve past that High School mentality. That isn't to say they are incapable of providing for a family or making a decent living. I think its more in the way people carry themselves.

I think what I'm asking is, at what point does one become an Adult, instead of an old kid? Is there some kind of turning point? Is it a change in the way one thinks, or handles priorities? Or is it a status, meaning "that guy has his shit together, he's a MAN!"

I'm not fooling myself, I know I have a lot of growing up to do. I'm not questioning my own adulthood. I know who I am and where I stand. In fact, I'm getting to know myself better and better on this trip and I'm learning what it takes to change the parts of myself I don't like. Is it that self-realization that makes one mature? Or is it that which allows one to embark on the path?

Maybe I'm approaching the question completely wrong. Maybe there is no "adult" status as an achieved thing. Maybe being an adult is simply the journey of continual growth. Maybe its the realization that one doesn't actually know everything, and is ok with that, given the will to improve. Maybe its the willingness to accept new knowledge, instead of argue with it, and apply it to the future.

Maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way for so long. It appears I may need to alter my approach here...

Status Update

Just a quick update for everyone. Pete has moved into his housing. He is sharing a house with 3 other guys that work for the same company as him. Even 3 other people living there his rent is pretty big. I'll still be in the Dakota for the time being, out on the street in front of the house. Internet is intermittent here, but I might be able to swing something.

I start at Walmart on Wednesday, for orientation. I did have an interview for a housekeeping position at La Quinta Inn. Its a bit closer, so I can walk it if I have to, and it pays over $2 per hour more, so I'm hoping this girl calls me. Plus, it gives me actual housekeeping experience, so I can add that to my Target Logistics profile and increase my chances of getting hired there.

If this whole experience is teaching me anything, its patience. I used to think I was a patient person. Boy, was I wrong. I'm starting to see things that have happened, and things that could happen, and I see them as steps on a path that has to be traversed. You can't go straight from your point of origin to your destination in one step, ou have to take the steps in between to get there. That's how I'm viewing all of this. Being a Walmart cashier, or doing housekeeping might not be what I want to do out here, but its a means to an end. Its the steps I have to take between the nothing I have now, to the debt free life I want.

My mood still changes in waves, but the waves of optimism seem to be getting bigger and the waves of panic are shrinking. I still have this feeling deep down that this was the right thing to do and that things are working according to plan, but I can't help but have those voices that chime in asking, "what the hell are you doing?"

An astoundingly intelligent man who once was my English teacher once told me, "Every day you should do one thing that scares the living shit out of you. Make a wrong turn, try something new for dinner, whatever. That fear will fill you with the essence of life."

That's food for thought...

The waiting game.

This is... boring. I knew there would be a lot of waiting, but I had no idea how boring this would be. I've spent a vast majority of my time here either sitting in a car filling out application after application, or going from place to place, filling out application after application.

Yes, I did get an offer from Walmart, which I will probably take for now, just to get some cash coming in. That's not the point. I can make 9 bucks an hour back in Illinois, and have the comfort of home at the same time.

I came up here to find good work so I can work my ass off and climb out of debt, so I can live life on m own terms for a change. All I've gotten in the mean time is a pile of rejection. This was my biggest fear before I came up here. I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude, but lord knows its not easy.

Pete starts on the job tomorrow. His orientation finishes today and he is in the field tomorrow. Things seem to be working out for him, no matter how chaotic they have been. I guess as much is to be expected in an environment like this, where recruiters are probably running around like headless chickens.

Not having anything to do besides apply and apply and apply gives me time to think and all I can think about is how much I can't afford to not get something up here. I have a lot of time to stare failure in the face, because no matter how hard I try, the ghost of failure sits right in front of you waiting for you to just give up and accept him. All it takes is one "yes" to send him packing. I just want him to go away.

I've gotten used to sleeping in the Dakota. The mattress makes it really easy. Last nite was actually pretty nice, I actually had the windows cracked. Once Pete gets settled into his housing I might propose we take the mattress out and really clean out the Dakota. I've done my best to keep it neat and orderly, but some things need to be straightened out and tidied up. It really helps manage the small space and keep it pleasant to keep it clean and orderly. If I had one big piece of advice to anyone planning to live out of their car coming up here it would be that. Have a system of storage, a place for everything, and maintain it. Do not waiver from it. Then, when you need someting, you know exactly where it is, and you are not stressing over it.

Today might be the last day in Medora. I have no idea what happens from here. All I know is I need income, and I need it soon. If Walmart is all I have by the time Pete goes back to IL, I'm not coming back to ND. Like I said, I'd rather make 9 bucks an hour at home, than living in a car in a state 1000 miles from anyone I know. Until then I sit here and wait for the phone to ring... Oh how I want the phone to ring...

What a blur..

Its been a crazy couple weeks...

After flying into Chicago and getting prepped for the trip, then actually taking the trip and just figuring out what the hell is going on out here, the last 2 weeks to me have become a blur.

I will say this: North Dakota has some stunningly beautiful parts to it, if you can get past the isolating vast emptiness of it all. So you can probably understand why its been hard for me to get reliable internet. Even in Dickinson, where I have full 3G reception, the internet is beyond slow, just from over-saturation. They're really looking at a communications infrastructure needing some serious upgrading, otherwise it might implode.

Pete's job seems to be going ok. He has been in orientation since yesterday, which has given him housing. He is sharing a hotel room with a roomate, giving me the entire Durango to sleep in. It is a bit of a pain in the ass not fully knowing where your next shower is going to come from, but there are solutions to that. I can use the truck stop, in a pinch, but I have to pay 8 bucks for a shower there.

Pete still isn't 100% sure where he is going to be staying or what his job is going to entail after orientation. He knows he will be based out of Dickinson, which is good to know, but the whole housing and vehicle situation is going to be a bit of trouble. I have been getting calls for a couple days now from places like wal-mart and kmart that want to hire me, but I'm not sure how that is going to work out, since I am relying on Pete's vehicle for shelter and transportation. If he needs it for work, I'm kind of screwed. Not that Pete is to blame for that, but it seems to really be limiting me to having to find something that will offer me housing that is nearby the job.

That being said, I do have some prospects in that area. I'm looking at Target Logistics, which handles some of the man camp situations out here. I'd be doing housekeeping, but it pays well, provides housing, and meals, and it is on the same schedule block that Pete will be on, so that makes trips back to IL a lot easier to plan. I'm also looking into a housekeeping job with a hotel, in the hope that they would let me stay in the room for a slightly reduced wage.

Of course, this would be a jumping point to something in the oil fields, hopefully. I really came up here because I thought I could make the big bucks and that it would be a great way to make up for some of the mistakes I've made in life. I could get out of debt and get enough of a savings going that I could really dictate where I went next in life instead of having to react to what life threw at me. I'm still throwing several applications a day at MBI, where Pete got hired, but for some reason they don't like me and keep rejecting me. I guess if I keep trying maybe they will give me an interview simply to get me to stop flooding their mailboxes.

All I know is I need something and I need it soon. Money is starting to concern me, and I have no idea what to do if I run out...