Its a curse, really. I can't help but to feel the way I do and sometimes it really gets to me.
I'm back in North Dakota for another 6-week trip, and this whole thing is not what I expected it to be. I was hoping for a job that I would be able to tolerate, in a friendly environment, making good money. Ok, well, originally I wanted a tough job in the Oil Fields, but when it became obvious that wasn't going to happen, I really wanted this job I have now. I never expected to be passed around as much as I have been, from department to department, facility to facility. Every time I change I meet new people and have to learn a new job, so it can be kind of stressful. But I'm not above that. Its a job, and jobs aren't meant to be easy.
What I didn't count on was how lonely I would feel. Every time I come back from my 2 week break I feel awful. I get pretty depressed and homesick. That's the part I can't control. If I had my way I would just show up, do my 6 weeks and that would be it, but for the first week or so I am miserable. It gets worse every trip, too.
My work environment kind of sucks, too. I mean, yes, it could be much worse, I will be the first to admit that. But these people I work for are clueless. Management changes things just for the sake of changing them, with no rhyme or reason. There is an entire culture of secrecy, where management won't tell the workers what is going on, and we are usually left to guess what is happening even after it already happened. Personally, I have been transferred to a new facility twice, and within those facilities, I have not done the same job for more than 2 weeks. They even switched me to nights and gave me 9 hours notice. None of these transfers and changes were asked for. They didn't ask what I wanted, and I did not ask for them, they were just given to me.
When you add those 2 factors, plus working 12 hours a day EVERY single day, and the fact that there is nothing to do to blow off steam, you get a very stressed out Josh. I'm simply tired of being here. The big thing keeping me here is my medical insurance, and the fact that I have to have a job to support myself. I'm currently trying to find a job in IL, but its slow going.
I know. I'm being a wuss. Things could be much worse, and at least I have a job. Like I said, if I could just stop feeling like this, I would, but this is how I feel and I have to deal with it
Part of me wonders how much of this feeling is me being depressed over my current position in life. I have no real direction. Its really obvious to me as I look for a job and I don't qualify for a lot of them because I didn't finish college and I don't have a marketable skill. I don't want to be stuck working low paying jobs for the rest of my life, but I don't know what to do. Going back to school right now really isn't an option because of student loan debt.
But this is where I am, and this is what I have to deal with. I'll get through it, I'll just whine and complain the whole way, because that seems to be who I am right now. Its my way of dealing with it, I guess. I'm really thankful for all my friends that listen to my crap. It really does help me.
That's pretty much it. I'm going to try to update this more often. I know a lot of people have beeitn asking me to do that. It really tough to get the motivation to write a post after working all day. Usually all I want to do is have dinner and go to bed, but I will try.
Until next time...
I'm back in North Dakota for another 6-week trip, and this whole thing is not what I expected it to be. I was hoping for a job that I would be able to tolerate, in a friendly environment, making good money. Ok, well, originally I wanted a tough job in the Oil Fields, but when it became obvious that wasn't going to happen, I really wanted this job I have now. I never expected to be passed around as much as I have been, from department to department, facility to facility. Every time I change I meet new people and have to learn a new job, so it can be kind of stressful. But I'm not above that. Its a job, and jobs aren't meant to be easy.
What I didn't count on was how lonely I would feel. Every time I come back from my 2 week break I feel awful. I get pretty depressed and homesick. That's the part I can't control. If I had my way I would just show up, do my 6 weeks and that would be it, but for the first week or so I am miserable. It gets worse every trip, too.
My work environment kind of sucks, too. I mean, yes, it could be much worse, I will be the first to admit that. But these people I work for are clueless. Management changes things just for the sake of changing them, with no rhyme or reason. There is an entire culture of secrecy, where management won't tell the workers what is going on, and we are usually left to guess what is happening even after it already happened. Personally, I have been transferred to a new facility twice, and within those facilities, I have not done the same job for more than 2 weeks. They even switched me to nights and gave me 9 hours notice. None of these transfers and changes were asked for. They didn't ask what I wanted, and I did not ask for them, they were just given to me.
When you add those 2 factors, plus working 12 hours a day EVERY single day, and the fact that there is nothing to do to blow off steam, you get a very stressed out Josh. I'm simply tired of being here. The big thing keeping me here is my medical insurance, and the fact that I have to have a job to support myself. I'm currently trying to find a job in IL, but its slow going.
I know. I'm being a wuss. Things could be much worse, and at least I have a job. Like I said, if I could just stop feeling like this, I would, but this is how I feel and I have to deal with it
Part of me wonders how much of this feeling is me being depressed over my current position in life. I have no real direction. Its really obvious to me as I look for a job and I don't qualify for a lot of them because I didn't finish college and I don't have a marketable skill. I don't want to be stuck working low paying jobs for the rest of my life, but I don't know what to do. Going back to school right now really isn't an option because of student loan debt.
But this is where I am, and this is what I have to deal with. I'll get through it, I'll just whine and complain the whole way, because that seems to be who I am right now. Its my way of dealing with it, I guess. I'm really thankful for all my friends that listen to my crap. It really does help me.
That's pretty much it. I'm going to try to update this more often. I know a lot of people have beeitn asking me to do that. It really tough to get the motivation to write a post after working all day. Usually all I want to do is have dinner and go to bed, but I will try.
Until next time...
