I just went back and read my first post. Its hard to believe that it has been just over a year now, since I left for this dismal place. A lot has happened, and, yet, nothing has happened. Its weird.
I did find work. It isn't what I thought I would be doing, and it certainly doesn't pay anywhere near what I wanted to get paid, but its something better than I had, and its better than what I can find right now. I'm working in a man camp, currently as a kitchen worker, but that job title could change at the drop of a hat, and has. I make $10 an hour, which is half of what I thought I would be making. I work 85 hours per week, which is about what I thought I would be working, and its 6 weeks on, 2 weeks off, which is also something I expected. Yes, those 6 weeks are 7 days a week. Yes, it can get very rough.
I have improved my finances a bit in the last year. One credit card is paid completely off, and the other is getting close. One student loan is current, another is within striking distance of being eliminated, but the 3rd one is still past due. I really need to reel in the spending on ancillary crap, and I slowly am, but I have quite a bit of room to go.
I did end up with health insurance, which has been the biggest victory of this entire adventure. I finally got officially diagnosed with Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I was prescribed a BiPAP (Bi-level positive air pressure) machine to treat it, which has given me some amazing nights of sleep, and has virtually eliminated my daytime sleepiness. I don't fall asleep constantly and I have more energy. I've even lost some weight!
Mentally, I'm still kind of iffy. I still lack a lot of self-worth. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I think I have depression. I'm going to look into getting that checked on my next break, I think. Its hard to explain via a blog post, but given the research I've done, I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Overall I'm not entirely happy with my job. It is nothing like I expected it to be and I work entirely too hard for the little I take home. Not that I'm afraid of hard work, but for how crappy I feel at the end of 6 weeks, it almost seems not worth it. I'm really growing weary of the long drives and the wear and tear on my car, but I can't justify spending half a paycheck on a round trip plane ticket.
I AM looking for work in Illinois, but its been pretty slow going. I'm not in a rush, since I do have a job with benefits, but if the right thing comes along, I may just have to pounce on it.
Overall I guess I'm in better shape than I was a year ago. Here's to hoping the next year leaves me a bit better off again.
I'm glad to hear you're at peace with your situation on some level and that you're making some progress in your finances, health, and benefits. I'm especially glad you're getting better sleep! I hope you can find help for the depression. I'm struggling a bit myself, and I think that's coming from feeling a bit helpless and directionless. I will be thinking of you. Please think of me, too.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the encouragement. As morbid as it sounds, it does make me feel better to know I'm not the only person that feels the way I do about life. We all have our ways of dealing with things and my way is to get them off my chest, as many of my close friends know. I will be thinking of you and I appreciate that you will be thinking about me. :-)
DeleteYou are doing great.. The depression you will get taken care of. I hope you find something soon in Illinois. Keep up the amazing work getting healthier. You are an inspiration, you left your home and headed out into the unknown. You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to read of your progress, Joshua. I'm also glad that you see progress. And, benefits are important. :) I understand depression. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you're writing again. Unfortunately, that might validate your belief that you're depressed. I am the most motivated to write when I'm feeling down about myself. Then again, that's when the best writing usually occurs. If you're serious about finding an IL job, let me know what types of positions would interest you. My company (Applied Systems) always seems to be hiring. You could check out the website for open positions.
ReplyDeleteI feel like the only way to defeat something is to acknowledge it and hit it head on. In football, you can't block a defender by running the other way, you have to stand him up and put him on his ass. Sometimes you need help, which is what teammates (friends) are for. I know we don't hang out much, but you know if you ever need a friend to listen, I'm a pretty good listener.
DeleteYou may not be in the best place that you want to be, but as long as you keep making progress, no matter how little it is, you'll get there. A good example is your finances. You've already paid off your credit card. I'm certain that if you keep it up, you'll have lesser things to contend with on your debts by the end of this year. Just don't completely abandon what you're aiming for, and keep going at it, no matter how slow you might get. When it comes to our finances, we have to be sensible since whether what we do is right or wrong, we have to live out our decisions.
ReplyDeleteSunset Payday