I've really noticed lately that a lot of people are trying to give me unsolicited weight loss advice. Even complete strangers have taken to approaching me with a story of "this guy" they know that lost a bunch of weight on some pill or shake or doing some obscure exercise people in some far off country did hundreds of years ago. I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but at this point in my life, I know what I should be doing. I know all kinds of different techniques to apply to it.
I just don't do it.
Don't get me wrong, I would love to drop some weight. I NEED to drop some weight, but, up until recently, it has been exceedingly difficult, mainly due to my complete lack of energy, and, therefore, care. Yes. I'm using my sleep apnea as an excuse.
That's not even really all of it, though. I've been kind of analyzing my approach to eating. To most people, food is viewed as fuel. I don't really approach it that way. To me food is comfort. Food gives me something to enjoy and experience.
Even moreso, its an experience I control. In this aspect, food is my drug.
I am not a person of exceeding confidence. I have very little self worth and I constantly think of myself as a failure at the whims of the world of failure I've created. This isn't a totally persistent feeling, but its there, and it knows how to rear its ugly head. When this happens, when I feel like I'm losing control, I get hungry. Its not even a hunger of need, or a desire to be satiated. Its a hunger born out of a desire to control something. So I eat, and I get pleasure from that eating, so I eat the things that give me the most pleasure, and those are never good things.
Its not that I cognitively eat to feel a sense of control. I eat because I think I'm hungry. Only later do I realize what I did, especially when I have a stomach ache because I ate when I wasn't really hungry.
This is a behavior I'm working on, but its going to take time before I nip it in the bud, especially since I don't notice myself doing it all the time. I'm not asking anyone to fix it for me, either. I'm just putting my point of view out there so maybe some people can consider it.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Monday, May 6, 2013
1 Year Later
I just went back and read my first post. Its hard to believe that it has been just over a year now, since I left for this dismal place. A lot has happened, and, yet, nothing has happened. Its weird.
I did find work. It isn't what I thought I would be doing, and it certainly doesn't pay anywhere near what I wanted to get paid, but its something better than I had, and its better than what I can find right now. I'm working in a man camp, currently as a kitchen worker, but that job title could change at the drop of a hat, and has. I make $10 an hour, which is half of what I thought I would be making. I work 85 hours per week, which is about what I thought I would be working, and its 6 weeks on, 2 weeks off, which is also something I expected. Yes, those 6 weeks are 7 days a week. Yes, it can get very rough.
I have improved my finances a bit in the last year. One credit card is paid completely off, and the other is getting close. One student loan is current, another is within striking distance of being eliminated, but the 3rd one is still past due. I really need to reel in the spending on ancillary crap, and I slowly am, but I have quite a bit of room to go.
I did end up with health insurance, which has been the biggest victory of this entire adventure. I finally got officially diagnosed with Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I was prescribed a BiPAP (Bi-level positive air pressure) machine to treat it, which has given me some amazing nights of sleep, and has virtually eliminated my daytime sleepiness. I don't fall asleep constantly and I have more energy. I've even lost some weight!
Mentally, I'm still kind of iffy. I still lack a lot of self-worth. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I think I have depression. I'm going to look into getting that checked on my next break, I think. Its hard to explain via a blog post, but given the research I've done, I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Overall I'm not entirely happy with my job. It is nothing like I expected it to be and I work entirely too hard for the little I take home. Not that I'm afraid of hard work, but for how crappy I feel at the end of 6 weeks, it almost seems not worth it. I'm really growing weary of the long drives and the wear and tear on my car, but I can't justify spending half a paycheck on a round trip plane ticket.
I AM looking for work in Illinois, but its been pretty slow going. I'm not in a rush, since I do have a job with benefits, but if the right thing comes along, I may just have to pounce on it.
Overall I guess I'm in better shape than I was a year ago. Here's to hoping the next year leaves me a bit better off again.
I did find work. It isn't what I thought I would be doing, and it certainly doesn't pay anywhere near what I wanted to get paid, but its something better than I had, and its better than what I can find right now. I'm working in a man camp, currently as a kitchen worker, but that job title could change at the drop of a hat, and has. I make $10 an hour, which is half of what I thought I would be making. I work 85 hours per week, which is about what I thought I would be working, and its 6 weeks on, 2 weeks off, which is also something I expected. Yes, those 6 weeks are 7 days a week. Yes, it can get very rough.
I have improved my finances a bit in the last year. One credit card is paid completely off, and the other is getting close. One student loan is current, another is within striking distance of being eliminated, but the 3rd one is still past due. I really need to reel in the spending on ancillary crap, and I slowly am, but I have quite a bit of room to go.
I did end up with health insurance, which has been the biggest victory of this entire adventure. I finally got officially diagnosed with Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I was prescribed a BiPAP (Bi-level positive air pressure) machine to treat it, which has given me some amazing nights of sleep, and has virtually eliminated my daytime sleepiness. I don't fall asleep constantly and I have more energy. I've even lost some weight!
Mentally, I'm still kind of iffy. I still lack a lot of self-worth. I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I think I have depression. I'm going to look into getting that checked on my next break, I think. Its hard to explain via a blog post, but given the research I've done, I'm pretty sure this is the case.
Overall I'm not entirely happy with my job. It is nothing like I expected it to be and I work entirely too hard for the little I take home. Not that I'm afraid of hard work, but for how crappy I feel at the end of 6 weeks, it almost seems not worth it. I'm really growing weary of the long drives and the wear and tear on my car, but I can't justify spending half a paycheck on a round trip plane ticket.
I AM looking for work in Illinois, but its been pretty slow going. I'm not in a rush, since I do have a job with benefits, but if the right thing comes along, I may just have to pounce on it.
Overall I guess I'm in better shape than I was a year ago. Here's to hoping the next year leaves me a bit better off again.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Its Been Awhile...
I'm a slave to my emotions.
Its a curse, really. I can't help but to feel the way I do and sometimes it really gets to me.
I'm back in North Dakota for another 6-week trip, and this whole thing is not what I expected it to be. I was hoping for a job that I would be able to tolerate, in a friendly environment, making good money. Ok, well, originally I wanted a tough job in the Oil Fields, but when it became obvious that wasn't going to happen, I really wanted this job I have now. I never expected to be passed around as much as I have been, from department to department, facility to facility. Every time I change I meet new people and have to learn a new job, so it can be kind of stressful. But I'm not above that. Its a job, and jobs aren't meant to be easy.
What I didn't count on was how lonely I would feel. Every time I come back from my 2 week break I feel awful. I get pretty depressed and homesick. That's the part I can't control. If I had my way I would just show up, do my 6 weeks and that would be it, but for the first week or so I am miserable. It gets worse every trip, too.
My work environment kind of sucks, too. I mean, yes, it could be much worse, I will be the first to admit that. But these people I work for are clueless. Management changes things just for the sake of changing them, with no rhyme or reason. There is an entire culture of secrecy, where management won't tell the workers what is going on, and we are usually left to guess what is happening even after it already happened. Personally, I have been transferred to a new facility twice, and within those facilities, I have not done the same job for more than 2 weeks. They even switched me to nights and gave me 9 hours notice. None of these transfers and changes were asked for. They didn't ask what I wanted, and I did not ask for them, they were just given to me.
When you add those 2 factors, plus working 12 hours a day EVERY single day, and the fact that there is nothing to do to blow off steam, you get a very stressed out Josh. I'm simply tired of being here. The big thing keeping me here is my medical insurance, and the fact that I have to have a job to support myself. I'm currently trying to find a job in IL, but its slow going.
I know. I'm being a wuss. Things could be much worse, and at least I have a job. Like I said, if I could just stop feeling like this, I would, but this is how I feel and I have to deal with it
Part of me wonders how much of this feeling is me being depressed over my current position in life. I have no real direction. Its really obvious to me as I look for a job and I don't qualify for a lot of them because I didn't finish college and I don't have a marketable skill. I don't want to be stuck working low paying jobs for the rest of my life, but I don't know what to do. Going back to school right now really isn't an option because of student loan debt.
But this is where I am, and this is what I have to deal with. I'll get through it, I'll just whine and complain the whole way, because that seems to be who I am right now. Its my way of dealing with it, I guess. I'm really thankful for all my friends that listen to my crap. It really does help me.
That's pretty much it. I'm going to try to update this more often. I know a lot of people have beeitn asking me to do that. It really tough to get the motivation to write a post after working all day. Usually all I want to do is have dinner and go to bed, but I will try.
Until next time...
I'm back in North Dakota for another 6-week trip, and this whole thing is not what I expected it to be. I was hoping for a job that I would be able to tolerate, in a friendly environment, making good money. Ok, well, originally I wanted a tough job in the Oil Fields, but when it became obvious that wasn't going to happen, I really wanted this job I have now. I never expected to be passed around as much as I have been, from department to department, facility to facility. Every time I change I meet new people and have to learn a new job, so it can be kind of stressful. But I'm not above that. Its a job, and jobs aren't meant to be easy.
What I didn't count on was how lonely I would feel. Every time I come back from my 2 week break I feel awful. I get pretty depressed and homesick. That's the part I can't control. If I had my way I would just show up, do my 6 weeks and that would be it, but for the first week or so I am miserable. It gets worse every trip, too.
My work environment kind of sucks, too. I mean, yes, it could be much worse, I will be the first to admit that. But these people I work for are clueless. Management changes things just for the sake of changing them, with no rhyme or reason. There is an entire culture of secrecy, where management won't tell the workers what is going on, and we are usually left to guess what is happening even after it already happened. Personally, I have been transferred to a new facility twice, and within those facilities, I have not done the same job for more than 2 weeks. They even switched me to nights and gave me 9 hours notice. None of these transfers and changes were asked for. They didn't ask what I wanted, and I did not ask for them, they were just given to me.
When you add those 2 factors, plus working 12 hours a day EVERY single day, and the fact that there is nothing to do to blow off steam, you get a very stressed out Josh. I'm simply tired of being here. The big thing keeping me here is my medical insurance, and the fact that I have to have a job to support myself. I'm currently trying to find a job in IL, but its slow going.
I know. I'm being a wuss. Things could be much worse, and at least I have a job. Like I said, if I could just stop feeling like this, I would, but this is how I feel and I have to deal with it
Part of me wonders how much of this feeling is me being depressed over my current position in life. I have no real direction. Its really obvious to me as I look for a job and I don't qualify for a lot of them because I didn't finish college and I don't have a marketable skill. I don't want to be stuck working low paying jobs for the rest of my life, but I don't know what to do. Going back to school right now really isn't an option because of student loan debt.
But this is where I am, and this is what I have to deal with. I'll get through it, I'll just whine and complain the whole way, because that seems to be who I am right now. Its my way of dealing with it, I guess. I'm really thankful for all my friends that listen to my crap. It really does help me.
That's pretty much it. I'm going to try to update this more often. I know a lot of people have beeitn asking me to do that. It really tough to get the motivation to write a post after working all day. Usually all I want to do is have dinner and go to bed, but I will try.
Until next time...
Friday, August 24, 2012
The First Real Break
I'm sitting here in my parent's garage, on my first break away from North Dakota since I got a job. I'm telling you, I really needed it. I need a physical and mental reset. My body hurts, my mind is sore, and I've got the shortest fuse I've ever had. I've never dealt with such disorganization and childish "adults" in my life, but the pay is nice, so I'll stick around for awhile.
This break is kind of surreal for me. Its my first real victory lap in a long time. finally things are going my way. But it kind of feels bittersweet, because everything is changing drastically. My parents sold the house and are moving to Florida in 3 days. My last real safety net here is leaving. I'll always have safety nets, but geographically, now, the only thing letting me stay in Illinois is myself. Its sad, at 28 years old, but this is the first time I've had to balance my livelihood on my own. I'm kinda scared.
North Dakota sucks. I'm just going to flat out say it. And I'm glad it sucks, because there will be no emotion keeping me there when I decide to finally leave, however long that takes. I'm tired of the complete chaos at work, the constant threats, and the stress of not knowing whats going to happen day in and day out. I'm tired of being tired, my legs hurting, and my feet being absolutely on fire. In understand that there is a such thing as hard work, and whatnot, but 51 days with no break wears on one.
But, I did this to myself. I got into debt foolishly and I'm working my way out of it. I did meet my goal for the first trip, and paid off my credit cards. Now I need to start saving so I can pay off loans. It looks like a big mountain to climb, but when I look back only 8 weeks, I have already come a long way.
If all goes well, I'm only 4 weeks of work away from getting medical insurance. As soon as that card is in my hand, I'm making appointments and I'm getting my sleep fixed. I need that more than anything. That is my number one goal right now. Get insurance and save money. That's it.
Once I can focus on things better and sleep better, I can move up from where I am. Once I get out of debt, I won't be held down in my life decisions by the 10 ton elephant I have to lug around. I'm on my way, I just need to keep the momentum up.
This break is kind of surreal for me. Its my first real victory lap in a long time. finally things are going my way. But it kind of feels bittersweet, because everything is changing drastically. My parents sold the house and are moving to Florida in 3 days. My last real safety net here is leaving. I'll always have safety nets, but geographically, now, the only thing letting me stay in Illinois is myself. Its sad, at 28 years old, but this is the first time I've had to balance my livelihood on my own. I'm kinda scared.
North Dakota sucks. I'm just going to flat out say it. And I'm glad it sucks, because there will be no emotion keeping me there when I decide to finally leave, however long that takes. I'm tired of the complete chaos at work, the constant threats, and the stress of not knowing whats going to happen day in and day out. I'm tired of being tired, my legs hurting, and my feet being absolutely on fire. In understand that there is a such thing as hard work, and whatnot, but 51 days with no break wears on one.
But, I did this to myself. I got into debt foolishly and I'm working my way out of it. I did meet my goal for the first trip, and paid off my credit cards. Now I need to start saving so I can pay off loans. It looks like a big mountain to climb, but when I look back only 8 weeks, I have already come a long way.
If all goes well, I'm only 4 weeks of work away from getting medical insurance. As soon as that card is in my hand, I'm making appointments and I'm getting my sleep fixed. I need that more than anything. That is my number one goal right now. Get insurance and save money. That's it.
Once I can focus on things better and sleep better, I can move up from where I am. Once I get out of debt, I won't be held down in my life decisions by the 10 ton elephant I have to lug around. I'm on my way, I just need to keep the momentum up.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Update: Halfway mark.
Yeah. Its been awhile. I've been so busy, and so tired. I'm actually kind of amazed I'm sitting down to write this post, as I'm barely awake. Funny, its not even 9 and I'm falling asleep.
Things at work are going smoothly. As smoothly as a 12 hour a day, 7 day a week shift can go. Some days are frantic, and I barely have the time to get everything done. Some days are slow, and I struggle to find things to fill up the day. Some days I have enough energy to run laps around the building, and some days I barely have the energy to force myself up the stairs to my floor to work. I'm not complaining. This is exactly what I expected.
Things weren't so smooth at first. It was very much a "dive right in" approach to training me. As a result I had a few struggles to overcome, but I did so, and I did so in a fashion that demonstrated to management that I am a good worker, regardless of a personal expertise on the working subject. Basically, I didn't do my job well, but I expressed a willingness to learn, and that impressed my supervisors.
The job doesn't come without its drama, but I've attempted to separate myself from it. Other people's suffering is not my own suffering to deal with, and the faster I acknowledge that, the faster I can get on to making myself happy.
That is one thing I can say. I am happy. Not happy as in I could see myself doing this forever, but happy in that I'm climbing out of my own pit of depression, and filling in the hole as I climb out. I might not be out of debt, but I'm certainly on my way. Even my first half of a paycheck was enough to get things caught up and my feet on solid ground. There is definitely a weight no longer on my shoulders.
I really don't know what else to say. This whole experience is kinda what I expected. I think I'm more tired than I expected. There was part of me that didnt think I could make the whole 7.5 week first stint, but now that I'm halfway, I'm sure I'll be fine. Especially since I'm at the point where days are starting to blur together now. Once I get to work in the morning, load up a podcast, and do my bathrooms, its already 11 am and a big part of the day is over. As much as I've been the kind of person that tries to not make days go by faster, doing so up here makes things a lot easier to deal with.
But, there it is. Its time for me to go to bed. I need my sleeps.
Things at work are going smoothly. As smoothly as a 12 hour a day, 7 day a week shift can go. Some days are frantic, and I barely have the time to get everything done. Some days are slow, and I struggle to find things to fill up the day. Some days I have enough energy to run laps around the building, and some days I barely have the energy to force myself up the stairs to my floor to work. I'm not complaining. This is exactly what I expected.
Things weren't so smooth at first. It was very much a "dive right in" approach to training me. As a result I had a few struggles to overcome, but I did so, and I did so in a fashion that demonstrated to management that I am a good worker, regardless of a personal expertise on the working subject. Basically, I didn't do my job well, but I expressed a willingness to learn, and that impressed my supervisors.
The job doesn't come without its drama, but I've attempted to separate myself from it. Other people's suffering is not my own suffering to deal with, and the faster I acknowledge that, the faster I can get on to making myself happy.
That is one thing I can say. I am happy. Not happy as in I could see myself doing this forever, but happy in that I'm climbing out of my own pit of depression, and filling in the hole as I climb out. I might not be out of debt, but I'm certainly on my way. Even my first half of a paycheck was enough to get things caught up and my feet on solid ground. There is definitely a weight no longer on my shoulders.
I really don't know what else to say. This whole experience is kinda what I expected. I think I'm more tired than I expected. There was part of me that didnt think I could make the whole 7.5 week first stint, but now that I'm halfway, I'm sure I'll be fine. Especially since I'm at the point where days are starting to blur together now. Once I get to work in the morning, load up a podcast, and do my bathrooms, its already 11 am and a big part of the day is over. As much as I've been the kind of person that tries to not make days go by faster, doing so up here makes things a lot easier to deal with.
But, there it is. Its time for me to go to bed. I need my sleeps.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Informational: What to Bring
There are some blogs out there that have touched on this, but I feel like they don't emphasize certain things, so I'm going to talk a bit about it too. What should you bring with you, if you decide to come to North Dakota?
First, and foremost, is Drive. Yeah, it sounds silly and cliché, but one thing you have to consider is that there are hundreds, even thousands of people up here looking for work. You have to separate yourself from them and have a drive and will to get employed. You have to be ready and willing to put in applications all day, and when you're not applying somewhere, you need to be calling the places you already applied and pestering them for an interview. It could take a day, it could take a month, but you have to have the drive to see the mission out to its goal.
Some obvious things to bring with you are clothes, but what kind of clothes should you bring? Some people recommend bringing 2 full weeks worth of clothes or more. My friend brought about 20 pairs of jeans and about 20 T-shirts. This can be both a good and a bad thing. If you get a job on a rig, where you are actually out in the field for a month at a time, then this makes for less laundry you have to do while you are working. That's great, because you probably won't have time to do laundry, anyway. However, if you get one of the many jobs that isn't in the middle of nowhere, purchasing that much ahead of time could take money away from other things that may lengthen your trip, especially if you come up here without a job already lined up.
You also have to consider what type of clothes to bring. I talked a bit last week about how unpredictable the weather can be out here. You should pack accordingly. Even if you are coming up here in the middle of summer, I would bring a jacket, and a long sleeve shirt or 2. You can bring shorts if you want, but you will only really be able to wear them at your house or man camp in the evening, so basketball shorts would probably be better and more comfortable. Granted, this all goes out the window when winter comes. Then you want the warmest things you can get your hand on, and in multiple sizes, so you can layer on the colder it gets.
Footwear you want to bring is pretty basic. You want Steel Toe boots for whatever job you get, sneakers for driving, and some kind of shower shoe, because chances are you will be sharing a shower with complete strangers, and when you mix a bunch of guys working 12 hours a day all taking showers in one shower, Athlete's foot becomes very prevalent. A shower shoe will prevent this from happening. Remember, its like Lt. Dan always said, you gotta keep your feet in line.
Aside from clothes, there are other things to bring. You will probably need bedding, but its hard to know what kind of bed you will get. My recommendation is to get a nice comforter, and get the sheets later. Also, you will need toiletries. A small bag with your shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothbrush/paste, etc. would suffice. Also, don't forget optics. If you wear glasses or contacts, make sure you have backups. Contact wearers should bring 3 months supply, if you have it. Being stranded in North Dakota with no way to see where you are going is no way to be.
One thing people may overlook when packing for a trip to North Dakota is documentation. Birth Certificate, passport, high school diploma, social security card, vehicle insurance and registration information, driver's license. Also a notebook/planner, and a bunch of pens to write down names, addresses, interview appointments, etc. These are the main items to consider. You also might want to bring checking account information, or a few checks to use when setting up direct deposit with a new employer. It is always better to have these items and not need them, then to need them and have to pay astronomical prices to have them sent to you overnight.
If you plan on living out of your car and looking for work, you have to consider size of things, and ability to pack them efficiently. It can be a lot like Tetris, but when you are living in a small space, any amount of extra room can make a big difference in moral. Bringing things like plastic bags to contain garbage, some detailing wipes, to keep the interior clean and not smelling can do wonders to help make you feel more comfortable in your car and keep your moral high.
Don't be too eager to bring too many electronics. First off, if you don't have a job, keeping them charged is going to be a pain in the butt, and second, if you do have a job, you're not going to have much time to play with them. Bring a laptop and a cell phone, and their respective chargers. That's great because the internet can give you a means to find work, plus a means to communicate with home. Netflix can be a great way to wind down at night, too.
Some people might consider pots and pans. I wouldn't really recommend it, because you could end up at a man camp, or you could be living out of your car for awhile, and pots and pans take up a lot of room. You can always pick up a cheap setup at Walmart, or just wait until your first trip home.
That about wraps up my list of recommendations. This is pretty much what I brought, and it seems to be working out ok. If you have any questions about a specific item, or think I'm wrong about something, leave a comment and I'll try to respond.
First, and foremost, is Drive. Yeah, it sounds silly and cliché, but one thing you have to consider is that there are hundreds, even thousands of people up here looking for work. You have to separate yourself from them and have a drive and will to get employed. You have to be ready and willing to put in applications all day, and when you're not applying somewhere, you need to be calling the places you already applied and pestering them for an interview. It could take a day, it could take a month, but you have to have the drive to see the mission out to its goal.
Some obvious things to bring with you are clothes, but what kind of clothes should you bring? Some people recommend bringing 2 full weeks worth of clothes or more. My friend brought about 20 pairs of jeans and about 20 T-shirts. This can be both a good and a bad thing. If you get a job on a rig, where you are actually out in the field for a month at a time, then this makes for less laundry you have to do while you are working. That's great, because you probably won't have time to do laundry, anyway. However, if you get one of the many jobs that isn't in the middle of nowhere, purchasing that much ahead of time could take money away from other things that may lengthen your trip, especially if you come up here without a job already lined up.
You also have to consider what type of clothes to bring. I talked a bit last week about how unpredictable the weather can be out here. You should pack accordingly. Even if you are coming up here in the middle of summer, I would bring a jacket, and a long sleeve shirt or 2. You can bring shorts if you want, but you will only really be able to wear them at your house or man camp in the evening, so basketball shorts would probably be better and more comfortable. Granted, this all goes out the window when winter comes. Then you want the warmest things you can get your hand on, and in multiple sizes, so you can layer on the colder it gets.
Footwear you want to bring is pretty basic. You want Steel Toe boots for whatever job you get, sneakers for driving, and some kind of shower shoe, because chances are you will be sharing a shower with complete strangers, and when you mix a bunch of guys working 12 hours a day all taking showers in one shower, Athlete's foot becomes very prevalent. A shower shoe will prevent this from happening. Remember, its like Lt. Dan always said, you gotta keep your feet in line.
Aside from clothes, there are other things to bring. You will probably need bedding, but its hard to know what kind of bed you will get. My recommendation is to get a nice comforter, and get the sheets later. Also, you will need toiletries. A small bag with your shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothbrush/paste, etc. would suffice. Also, don't forget optics. If you wear glasses or contacts, make sure you have backups. Contact wearers should bring 3 months supply, if you have it. Being stranded in North Dakota with no way to see where you are going is no way to be.
One thing people may overlook when packing for a trip to North Dakota is documentation. Birth Certificate, passport, high school diploma, social security card, vehicle insurance and registration information, driver's license. Also a notebook/planner, and a bunch of pens to write down names, addresses, interview appointments, etc. These are the main items to consider. You also might want to bring checking account information, or a few checks to use when setting up direct deposit with a new employer. It is always better to have these items and not need them, then to need them and have to pay astronomical prices to have them sent to you overnight.
If you plan on living out of your car and looking for work, you have to consider size of things, and ability to pack them efficiently. It can be a lot like Tetris, but when you are living in a small space, any amount of extra room can make a big difference in moral. Bringing things like plastic bags to contain garbage, some detailing wipes, to keep the interior clean and not smelling can do wonders to help make you feel more comfortable in your car and keep your moral high.
Don't be too eager to bring too many electronics. First off, if you don't have a job, keeping them charged is going to be a pain in the butt, and second, if you do have a job, you're not going to have much time to play with them. Bring a laptop and a cell phone, and their respective chargers. That's great because the internet can give you a means to find work, plus a means to communicate with home. Netflix can be a great way to wind down at night, too.
Some people might consider pots and pans. I wouldn't really recommend it, because you could end up at a man camp, or you could be living out of your car for awhile, and pots and pans take up a lot of room. You can always pick up a cheap setup at Walmart, or just wait until your first trip home.
That about wraps up my list of recommendations. This is pretty much what I brought, and it seems to be working out ok. If you have any questions about a specific item, or think I'm wrong about something, leave a comment and I'll try to respond.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Update: Employment
Well. It was bound to happen. Even I could only fail for so long.
Yes, kids, that's right. I. Got. A. Job.
Yes, I, the self-doubting king of emo, found a job.
All joking aside, I really did get an offer. I'm not going to mention the name of the company, because, honestly, I don't even know if I'm allowed to do that on a blog. I don't want to risk screwing myself out of this opportunity, so I will just say that I will be working a ton of hours, and making enough to justify making the trips up here, at least until I get my debt paid off.
A lot of you supported me, and I an thankful for that. It helped me to keep my head up and stay positive. I applied to so many jobs I can't even begin to come up with a number. Persistence pays off, I guess.
The job is going to be up in Williston, which is kind of a bummer, because I kind of like it in Dickinson, but I'm not being picky. I'm sure, once I get established here, there will be opportunity to move around the company and maybe end up here again. Not that it really matters, I mean, I'm getting paid, right?
Its going to be a slow process, but now I can finally concentrate on throwing gobs of money at my debtors, in the hopes of finally becoming free again. I'm tired of living my life as a wage slave, constantly stressed out over whats going to happen because I can't pay my bills.
Oh. I imagine I'm going to have a ton of time to listen to music and podcasts while I'm doing the work I will be doing, so if you have any suggestions on good podcasts to listen to, I'm all ears. I currently listen to most of the stuff on the Smodcast Network, a couple things on TWiT and Rev3, and a couple wrestling podcasts (3CR, and Art of Wrestling).
Its going to be weird being so far removed from anyone I know. It was kinda weird when I moved to Las Vegas 4 years ago, but at least then I had family. It was kinda weird coming up here 3 months ago, too, but at least then I had a friend here. When I leave for Williston on Sunday, I'm going to be venturing off on my own for the first time in my life. Yes, Pete will still be 2 hours away, but this will be the furthest I've ever been removed from friend or family in my life. Part of me is scared, part of me is numb to it. After all, in 6 weeks I'll be back to visit everyone. Its kind of like a prison sentence, except not at all like prison, and I get to leave from time to time. I did my "crimes of consumerism" and now I have to go away and work until I pay for those "crimes."
So, does this mean that Act 2 is starting?
Yes, kids, that's right. I. Got. A. Job.
Yes, I, the self-doubting king of emo, found a job.
All joking aside, I really did get an offer. I'm not going to mention the name of the company, because, honestly, I don't even know if I'm allowed to do that on a blog. I don't want to risk screwing myself out of this opportunity, so I will just say that I will be working a ton of hours, and making enough to justify making the trips up here, at least until I get my debt paid off.
A lot of you supported me, and I an thankful for that. It helped me to keep my head up and stay positive. I applied to so many jobs I can't even begin to come up with a number. Persistence pays off, I guess.
The job is going to be up in Williston, which is kind of a bummer, because I kind of like it in Dickinson, but I'm not being picky. I'm sure, once I get established here, there will be opportunity to move around the company and maybe end up here again. Not that it really matters, I mean, I'm getting paid, right?
Its going to be a slow process, but now I can finally concentrate on throwing gobs of money at my debtors, in the hopes of finally becoming free again. I'm tired of living my life as a wage slave, constantly stressed out over whats going to happen because I can't pay my bills.
Oh. I imagine I'm going to have a ton of time to listen to music and podcasts while I'm doing the work I will be doing, so if you have any suggestions on good podcasts to listen to, I'm all ears. I currently listen to most of the stuff on the Smodcast Network, a couple things on TWiT and Rev3, and a couple wrestling podcasts (3CR, and Art of Wrestling).
Its going to be weird being so far removed from anyone I know. It was kinda weird when I moved to Las Vegas 4 years ago, but at least then I had family. It was kinda weird coming up here 3 months ago, too, but at least then I had a friend here. When I leave for Williston on Sunday, I'm going to be venturing off on my own for the first time in my life. Yes, Pete will still be 2 hours away, but this will be the furthest I've ever been removed from friend or family in my life. Part of me is scared, part of me is numb to it. After all, in 6 weeks I'll be back to visit everyone. Its kind of like a prison sentence, except not at all like prison, and I get to leave from time to time. I did my "crimes of consumerism" and now I have to go away and work until I pay for those "crimes."
So, does this mean that Act 2 is starting?
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Informational: What to Expect in North Dakota
Some people have asked me what its like up here in North Dakota. I guess they are curious as to the appeal this place has that made me want to come up here to seek work to begin with.
The truth is, its not a very appealing place.
I apologize to any North Dakota natives, but I'm just being honest. If there wasn't work up here, I would probably not be here. Its not that its completely inhospitable. Its just not... pleasant.
I will say this, the scenery can be very beautiful. In the nearly 3 months I've been up here, I've seen amazing, picturesque displays. I've seen crystal clear days from the top of a Badland hill, where the landscape stretches on until its drops off the horizon. I've watched a microburst cell race across the plains to the south from the top of a hill, all while staying in direct sunlight the whole time.
That being said, there are some things that anyone coming up here should be ready for. The weather is one of them. I used to think that Illinois weather was about as temperamental as is got. Then I came here. It can go from 80 and sunny, to 60 and rainy in no time, and for no apparent reason. One day it can be 50 and cloudy, the next day its 100 and humid. There is one constant, however, and that is the WIND. Its is constantly windy here.
Something else I've noticed about this place is just how spread out it is. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting sprawling metropolis, but I can say that my perspective on a 2 hour road trip has changed dramatically. I'm used to the nearest town worth mentioning being about 30 minutes at most. Out here the nearest town/city worth mentioning is Bismark, which is about 90 minutes. The next closest is Williston, and that is just over 2 hours on a good day.
The people, for the most part, are nice up here. I've met a few angry old codgers up here, but they aren't as common. They tend to avoid the established cities (i.e. Dickinson, Williston, Minot). Most people greet you with a smile and wish you a good day, which is a far cry from anything I've experienced in both Illinois and Las Vegas.
The culture is different. Not different as in bad or foreign. People just aren't caught up on stupid things like the Octomom or Porn Star Kim Kardashian. People tend to concern themselves with things that actually matter, like family, each others well being, and the community. It can be kind of tough being an outsider and not having a vested interest or knowledge of what most people are talking about, but its a minute detail, really.
Being that this is the middle of an Oil Boom, there are Men. LOTS of Men from out of town. It can lead to some very tense atmospheres in some places. Dickinson isn't bad right now, but Williston constantly feels like something bad is lurking around the corner. I'm not saying you're going to get mugged at every stop light, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep your wits about you if you're planning on going there.
Housing. Where do I even start? If whatever job you get doesn't provide for some kind of housing solution, its probably not worth taking the job. By the time you actually find a vacant place to stay, and pay for it, you'll be coming out just about even. One bedroom apartments in Dickinson go from between 1800 and 2200 a month, from what I'm hearing. I don't have a reference to back me up on that, but that's what co-workers told me they were paying. By the time you consider a security deposit, first and last month's rent, and utilities, you are not going to be making much. Sure, you can live out of your car, but once the temperature drops, that isn't going to be feasible. I'm not exaggerating when I say that on the colder days of the Winter, sleeping in your car can very well kill you. Temps of 40 below zero aren't anything to mess with.
For the most part, North Dakota has been what I expected it to be. I can honestly say I wasn't expecting it to be as spread out as it is, and the amount of wind caught me off guard. I had also heard that the locals didn't care for the out of town people so much, but it hasn't been anything remotely hostile in my experience. I hope this shed a light on what to expect when you come up here.
The truth is, its not a very appealing place.
I apologize to any North Dakota natives, but I'm just being honest. If there wasn't work up here, I would probably not be here. Its not that its completely inhospitable. Its just not... pleasant.
I will say this, the scenery can be very beautiful. In the nearly 3 months I've been up here, I've seen amazing, picturesque displays. I've seen crystal clear days from the top of a Badland hill, where the landscape stretches on until its drops off the horizon. I've watched a microburst cell race across the plains to the south from the top of a hill, all while staying in direct sunlight the whole time.
That being said, there are some things that anyone coming up here should be ready for. The weather is one of them. I used to think that Illinois weather was about as temperamental as is got. Then I came here. It can go from 80 and sunny, to 60 and rainy in no time, and for no apparent reason. One day it can be 50 and cloudy, the next day its 100 and humid. There is one constant, however, and that is the WIND. Its is constantly windy here.
Something else I've noticed about this place is just how spread out it is. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting sprawling metropolis, but I can say that my perspective on a 2 hour road trip has changed dramatically. I'm used to the nearest town worth mentioning being about 30 minutes at most. Out here the nearest town/city worth mentioning is Bismark, which is about 90 minutes. The next closest is Williston, and that is just over 2 hours on a good day.
The people, for the most part, are nice up here. I've met a few angry old codgers up here, but they aren't as common. They tend to avoid the established cities (i.e. Dickinson, Williston, Minot). Most people greet you with a smile and wish you a good day, which is a far cry from anything I've experienced in both Illinois and Las Vegas.
The culture is different. Not different as in bad or foreign. People just aren't caught up on stupid things like the Octomom or Porn Star Kim Kardashian. People tend to concern themselves with things that actually matter, like family, each others well being, and the community. It can be kind of tough being an outsider and not having a vested interest or knowledge of what most people are talking about, but its a minute detail, really.
Being that this is the middle of an Oil Boom, there are Men. LOTS of Men from out of town. It can lead to some very tense atmospheres in some places. Dickinson isn't bad right now, but Williston constantly feels like something bad is lurking around the corner. I'm not saying you're going to get mugged at every stop light, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep your wits about you if you're planning on going there.
Housing. Where do I even start? If whatever job you get doesn't provide for some kind of housing solution, its probably not worth taking the job. By the time you actually find a vacant place to stay, and pay for it, you'll be coming out just about even. One bedroom apartments in Dickinson go from between 1800 and 2200 a month, from what I'm hearing. I don't have a reference to back me up on that, but that's what co-workers told me they were paying. By the time you consider a security deposit, first and last month's rent, and utilities, you are not going to be making much. Sure, you can live out of your car, but once the temperature drops, that isn't going to be feasible. I'm not exaggerating when I say that on the colder days of the Winter, sleeping in your car can very well kill you. Temps of 40 below zero aren't anything to mess with.
For the most part, North Dakota has been what I expected it to be. I can honestly say I wasn't expecting it to be as spread out as it is, and the amount of wind caught me off guard. I had also heard that the locals didn't care for the out of town people so much, but it hasn't been anything remotely hostile in my experience. I hope this shed a light on what to expect when you come up here.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Nature is balance...
Have you ever noticed how the world tends to balance itself out? It seems like whatever you do in life to tip the scales, something happens on the other side to balance itself out.
It seems like knowing this would offer a great chance to game the system. If you constantly put nothing but positive into life, then, by nature's balance, you should get nothing but positive out of it. Seems like a solid plan. Almost fool proof, if you believe in such a concept.
But its not that easy.
Our egos take over. We get selfish. We start to wonder, "Why do bad things happen to me," without considering what sort of negativity we may have wrought. We feel doubt, self pity, and we take it out on the world. The emotional mind can be very persuasive. Trust me, I know.
Its very easy to lose sight of what is important in life, because you are having a bad streak (which, ironically, can be a self-fulfilling loop in itself). Your mind can convince you that the world just doesn't want you to succeed. You might miss out on opportunities that you are certain you deserve, you might lose something you cherish for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Its times like these when people tell you, "Just stay positive." But its hard. Its difficult to see through the cloud of negativity you are in. Trust me, I know.
I was struggling with this for a while. I seemed to have everything going for me. I had a decent job that I liked and was progressing at. I was getting healthy and losing a ton of weight. I was, dare I say it, happy. I don't mean, content with life. I mean, I was genuinely happy with where I was in life. I was riding the karma train and profiting from it.
Then something took that away. It doesn't matter what, or why. The important thing is the way I reacted. I let one negative thing derail my karma train. I got lost in a cloud of negativity and let it consume me, almost willingly. In blur I lost my job, my health, and my happiness. I fell into a pit of self loathing, and I let a world of negativity envelop me. I became convinced that I was destined for bad things to happen, and just accepted failure as my path in life.
I was wrong.
I want you to read that again, so you might learn from my mistake.
I was WRONG.
I'm not going to preach to you, like some pompous self-help guru. The fact of the matter is, if you could help yourself, you wouldn't be in a world of hurt to begin with.
I will say this, though: As cheesy as it sounds, never let yourself lose sight of positivity.
I know. It sounds cliché. But its true. Positivity breeds positivity.
I had myself convinced that coming back to North Dakota for a 2nd trip was a mistake. I was convinced that the first trip was a mistake. I kept telling myself that coming up here is just going to lead to failure after failure and when all is said and done I'm going to end up moving back with my parents and being a worthless drain on them.
But then something clicked.
I don't know if it was Pete being persistently positive in my face when I was nothing but depressing, or if my brain finally broke, but something clicked. I decided that, no matter what, it doesn't matter if I get a job up here or not. I came up with a backup plan, and I dove head first into coming back.
As soon as I did that, I started getting phone calls. I got a call from an old college buddy about an IT job that I ultimately wasn't quite qualified for, but still considered me. That was a huge confidence boost. I might not have gotten that job, but it went a long way to helping me pull my head out of the smog (Thank you Tim.).
Then, Saturday I got a call from one of my top choices for work up here. The phone interview went well, and long story short, I did a drug test today. Now I just wait to hear back from them.
The point this long post is trying to make, is to always remember karma. Always mind the balance that life tries to achieve. I'm not saying you need to donate all your money to charity or volunteer for the peace corps, but holding the door open for someone, asking someone how his day is, or just smiling back at someone can create a positive imbalance in your favor.
I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't lived it. Trust me. I know.
It seems like knowing this would offer a great chance to game the system. If you constantly put nothing but positive into life, then, by nature's balance, you should get nothing but positive out of it. Seems like a solid plan. Almost fool proof, if you believe in such a concept.
But its not that easy.
Our egos take over. We get selfish. We start to wonder, "Why do bad things happen to me," without considering what sort of negativity we may have wrought. We feel doubt, self pity, and we take it out on the world. The emotional mind can be very persuasive. Trust me, I know.
Its very easy to lose sight of what is important in life, because you are having a bad streak (which, ironically, can be a self-fulfilling loop in itself). Your mind can convince you that the world just doesn't want you to succeed. You might miss out on opportunities that you are certain you deserve, you might lose something you cherish for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Its times like these when people tell you, "Just stay positive." But its hard. Its difficult to see through the cloud of negativity you are in. Trust me, I know.
I was struggling with this for a while. I seemed to have everything going for me. I had a decent job that I liked and was progressing at. I was getting healthy and losing a ton of weight. I was, dare I say it, happy. I don't mean, content with life. I mean, I was genuinely happy with where I was in life. I was riding the karma train and profiting from it.
Then something took that away. It doesn't matter what, or why. The important thing is the way I reacted. I let one negative thing derail my karma train. I got lost in a cloud of negativity and let it consume me, almost willingly. In blur I lost my job, my health, and my happiness. I fell into a pit of self loathing, and I let a world of negativity envelop me. I became convinced that I was destined for bad things to happen, and just accepted failure as my path in life.
I was wrong.
I want you to read that again, so you might learn from my mistake.
I was WRONG.
I'm not going to preach to you, like some pompous self-help guru. The fact of the matter is, if you could help yourself, you wouldn't be in a world of hurt to begin with.
I will say this, though: As cheesy as it sounds, never let yourself lose sight of positivity.
I know. It sounds cliché. But its true. Positivity breeds positivity.
I had myself convinced that coming back to North Dakota for a 2nd trip was a mistake. I was convinced that the first trip was a mistake. I kept telling myself that coming up here is just going to lead to failure after failure and when all is said and done I'm going to end up moving back with my parents and being a worthless drain on them.
But then something clicked.
I don't know if it was Pete being persistently positive in my face when I was nothing but depressing, or if my brain finally broke, but something clicked. I decided that, no matter what, it doesn't matter if I get a job up here or not. I came up with a backup plan, and I dove head first into coming back.
As soon as I did that, I started getting phone calls. I got a call from an old college buddy about an IT job that I ultimately wasn't quite qualified for, but still considered me. That was a huge confidence boost. I might not have gotten that job, but it went a long way to helping me pull my head out of the smog (Thank you Tim.).
Then, Saturday I got a call from one of my top choices for work up here. The phone interview went well, and long story short, I did a drug test today. Now I just wait to hear back from them.
The point this long post is trying to make, is to always remember karma. Always mind the balance that life tries to achieve. I'm not saying you need to donate all your money to charity or volunteer for the peace corps, but holding the door open for someone, asking someone how his day is, or just smiling back at someone can create a positive imbalance in your favor.
I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't lived it. Trust me. I know.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
First Trip Back
We made our first trip back to Illinois. After being in North Dakota for 2 months, we are back home for a 2 week holiday, to rest and recharge.
Pete can really use it. He's been going for 9 weeks now. The nice part for him, is that this should be the longest period of time he spends away from now on. Barring some kind of weather catastrophe like a Blizzard, he should be going back after only 6 weeks now.
I had a somewhat busy week last week. I took a trip up to Williston to poke my head in some places that I had applied and to apply some more places. I still don't like it up there. I did my best to stay away from downtown and Walmart once I did my initial visit. It just didn't feel safe. Too many people that were too pissed off in too small of a space. I can confirm, though, that the rumors about the Walmart are true. The place is very dirty, lines were epically long, and all the pallets of stuff were just sitting in the aisles, meaning 2 things; finding what you wanted became a scavenger hunt, and actually traversing the aisles was as adventure in and of itself.
I came back after about 30 hours so I could go to a Job Fair in Dickinson, but that ended up being a glorified resume drop.
Some good(ish) news did come that afternoon, though, as I got a call from MBI wanting me to do an interview over Skype, so tomorrow I have that. The position they asked about was a Field Frac Operator. Not completely sure what that job entails, but its 70+ hours at 17 bucks an hour with benefits. I know I can do the job, its a matter of convincing the recruiters of that.
Oh, I get to sleep in a queen sized bed while I'm here. I don't know what to do with all the space! I can spread out and sleep in luxury!
Yeah. Its kinda sad. But really funny.
Pete can really use it. He's been going for 9 weeks now. The nice part for him, is that this should be the longest period of time he spends away from now on. Barring some kind of weather catastrophe like a Blizzard, he should be going back after only 6 weeks now.
I had a somewhat busy week last week. I took a trip up to Williston to poke my head in some places that I had applied and to apply some more places. I still don't like it up there. I did my best to stay away from downtown and Walmart once I did my initial visit. It just didn't feel safe. Too many people that were too pissed off in too small of a space. I can confirm, though, that the rumors about the Walmart are true. The place is very dirty, lines were epically long, and all the pallets of stuff were just sitting in the aisles, meaning 2 things; finding what you wanted became a scavenger hunt, and actually traversing the aisles was as adventure in and of itself.
I came back after about 30 hours so I could go to a Job Fair in Dickinson, but that ended up being a glorified resume drop.
Some good(ish) news did come that afternoon, though, as I got a call from MBI wanting me to do an interview over Skype, so tomorrow I have that. The position they asked about was a Field Frac Operator. Not completely sure what that job entails, but its 70+ hours at 17 bucks an hour with benefits. I know I can do the job, its a matter of convincing the recruiters of that.
Oh, I get to sleep in a queen sized bed while I'm here. I don't know what to do with all the space! I can spread out and sleep in luxury!
Yeah. Its kinda sad. But really funny.
Monday, May 28, 2012
Informational: Where to Apply
For anyone considering to come to North Dakota, it can be a monumental task to find out the specific places to apply to work. There are some resources you can use, but it can take a lot of work to figure it out. What I'm going to do today, is put together my own list of places I check on a regular basis. Maybe if can help you if you are considering coming up to North Dakota.
Rigs and Drilling Companies
First I'll list the companies that operate rigs. I'll also link to their web site if they have one. If they don't, its on you to find a phone number or address, since it really varies depending on what part of North Dakota you are going to. I'm putting the city each is based in as well. These companies may have less opportunities than the larger ones I will list later, but that also comes with less competition, meaning you may have a better chance concentrating on these.
Rigs and Drilling Companies
First I'll list the companies that operate rigs. I'll also link to their web site if they have one. If they don't, its on you to find a phone number or address, since it really varies depending on what part of North Dakota you are going to. I'm putting the city each is based in as well. These companies may have less opportunities than the larger ones I will list later, but that also comes with less competition, meaning you may have a better chance concentrating on these.
- AES Fluids - Denver, CO
- CanElson Drilling - Mohall, ND (North of Williston, near Canadian Border)
- CapStar Drilling - Casper, WY
- Cyclone Drilling, Inc. - Gillette, WY
- DHS Drilling - Casper, WY
- Ensign Energy Services - Calgary, AB, Canada
- Frontier Drilling - Roosevelt, UT
- H&P - Dickinson, ND
- Key Energy Services - Houston, TX
- KKA Drilling, LLC - Sheridan, WY
- Major Drilling - Flin Flon, Manitoba, Canada
- Nabors Industries, LLC - Houston, TX
- Nomac Drilling - Killdeer, ND
- Paramount Drilling US LLC - Dickinson, ND
- Pioneer Drilling - Williston, ND
- Precision Drilling Corporation - Calgary, AB, Canada
- Raven Drilling - Dickinson, ND
- SST Energy Corporation - Casper, WY
- Stoneham Drilling Company - Williston, ND
- Trinidad Drilling LTD - Kenmare, ND
- True Drilling LLC - Casper, WY
- Unit Corporation - Casper, WY
- White Mountain Operating - Pinedale, WY
- Xtreme Drilling - Brighton, CO
Larger Companies
These companies are a bit larger and encompass more of the entire process, including transportation of oil and gas to and from the sites. These companies have a lot more positions to offer, including MANY CDL driver jobs (CDL A, plus tanker and Hazmat usually required with a year of experience to go with it). The downside to applying with these companies is that you are just throwing your application onto a pile of others, so its kind of a crap shoot. These are the companies where it really helps to keep stopping in the office or calling constantly so they get to know your name. Anything to stand out from the crowd. These jobs usually have better pay and benefits, so they are worth going after.
- Baker Hughes - Williston/Dickinson, ND
- Haliburton - Williston/Dickinson, ND
- Marathon Energy - Williston/Dickinson, ND
- MBI Energy Services - Belfield/Dickinson, ND
- Power Fuels - North Dakota
- Wyoming Casing - Dickinson, ND
These are most of the places I've come across personally to apply at. Obviously there are more, and I acknowledge that. If you know of any, let me know and I will add them to the list. I'm also not including staffing companies. Obviously, if you are really desparate for cash when you are out here, there are places like Walmart, McDonalds, Wendy's, and the like, all where you can get hired pretty quickly, and making some cash to extend your stay or even get you home if that is the case.
Either way, if this helps even one person find a job, or find a sense of direction out here, then its worth it. To anyone coming out here, I just want to say be prepared. There are a lot of people, no places to stay, and the weather is unpredictable. Oh, and Good Luck!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Quick Update
As I post this, I see a cop in the rearview mirror slowly passing by, probably wondering what the heck I'm doing. Funny. I've been wondering that, too.
Not much has changed in the last week, so this post will probably be short.
We've gained roomnates. We're up to 4 people officially in the house. One guy is from Austin/Toronto. Trust me, it makes sense. Neat guy. He made Buffalo Burritos the other nite that were pretty fantastic, as well as my first venture into Buffalo meat. It was good. The other guy
Still no luck on the job front. I had an interview today, but I'm not sure how its going to go. I'm probably going to make a trip up to Williston on Monday to apply some places and get my face in there before the trip back to Illinois.
From the intel I've been getting from people, everyone says to come back to them in mid to late June and they should be hiring, so that kind of works out. We go back to IL for 2 weeks and then when we get back to ND, its mid to late June. If I don't get work by the end of the 2nd trip, I'm not coming back.
I've been looking into truck driving schools. If I can find a place that will pay me to get my CDL and give me some experience then I might do it. I won't make a ton of money, but it will give me experience to come back up here with.
That's really it. Not much else to update. Oh. Its cold. It was like 50 today. Last nite was unexpectedly freezing. So I have that to look forward to.
Not much has changed in the last week, so this post will probably be short.
We've gained roomnates. We're up to 4 people officially in the house. One guy is from Austin/Toronto. Trust me, it makes sense. Neat guy. He made Buffalo Burritos the other nite that were pretty fantastic, as well as my first venture into Buffalo meat. It was good. The other guy
Still no luck on the job front. I had an interview today, but I'm not sure how its going to go. I'm probably going to make a trip up to Williston on Monday to apply some places and get my face in there before the trip back to Illinois.
From the intel I've been getting from people, everyone says to come back to them in mid to late June and they should be hiring, so that kind of works out. We go back to IL for 2 weeks and then when we get back to ND, its mid to late June. If I don't get work by the end of the 2nd trip, I'm not coming back.
I've been looking into truck driving schools. If I can find a place that will pay me to get my CDL and give me some experience then I might do it. I won't make a ton of money, but it will give me experience to come back up here with.
That's really it. Not much else to update. Oh. Its cold. It was like 50 today. Last nite was unexpectedly freezing. So I have that to look forward to.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Some people have all the luck.
They say to get what you want takes a lot of hard work, and a little bit of luck.
Exactly how much luck are we talking here? Is it an additive effect, or is it a multiple effect? I fear the later, which really screws me, because, as everyone knows, anything times 0 is 0. If I have no luck, then am I fighting a futile battle?
Ok, before you get on me for finding reasons to give up, let me tell you, I'm not giving up. I'm venting. I'm venting because I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated because, after 5 weeks of being out here, I still havent gotten so much as a call back for a job in the oil fields. I guess its a "right place, right time" kind of situation, which takes a little bit of luck, which brings me right back to my point.
If I'm the kind of person that never wins at games of chance, do I have no luck, or negative luck? I don't like to gamble anymore because I don't win (except for those few anomalies where I went home with a hundred bucks). I don't like to play board or video games that rely heavily on chance or luck because I usually lose. Here's a nerdy example: When running dungeons in WoW with my guild, there is only 1 other cloth wearer. There might be 4 drops through the entire dungeon that I even qualify for and I get how many? 1 per 3 or 4 RUNS. Ok, end nerd rant.
Basically the point I'm getting to is, I'm frustrated. This situation is not entirely what I expected it to be. Yes, there are jobs, yes they pay more than elsewhere, but if I had to pay for a place to live up here and everything, it wouldn't be worth it. I'm barely scraping by as it is.
On top of that, I get to sit and watch Pete have exactly what I want, and then tell me that he is low paid by oil field standards. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at Pete about it in the least, he's doing what he intended on doing and thats great, I'm proud of him. It just frustrates the living hell out of me because I pretty much saw this coming. As soon as he got hired on before I even left Vegas, I knew I'd be up here not finding anything. I had that gut feeling. And here I am. Failing at what I feel like is my last chance to be an adult and be responsible for myself. I can't spend the rest of my life working at places like Fast Food, or Walmart. Its not going to cut it. I had a plan, to get out of debt and go back to school.
But this is where I am. This is what I have to deal with.
Some people can have their luck, and get handed jobs and promotions and transfers. I'm not saying these people don't work hard, because I'm positive they do. I work hard, too. I may be lazy when it comes to my personal self, i.e. health, but when I'm hired to do a job I do it. I could just use a little bit of help in at least getting an interview. Could the fates tip their hats in my way, at all?
I just have to keep hy head down and keep trucking I guess. Luck be damned.
Exactly how much luck are we talking here? Is it an additive effect, or is it a multiple effect? I fear the later, which really screws me, because, as everyone knows, anything times 0 is 0. If I have no luck, then am I fighting a futile battle?
Ok, before you get on me for finding reasons to give up, let me tell you, I'm not giving up. I'm venting. I'm venting because I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated because, after 5 weeks of being out here, I still havent gotten so much as a call back for a job in the oil fields. I guess its a "right place, right time" kind of situation, which takes a little bit of luck, which brings me right back to my point.
If I'm the kind of person that never wins at games of chance, do I have no luck, or negative luck? I don't like to gamble anymore because I don't win (except for those few anomalies where I went home with a hundred bucks). I don't like to play board or video games that rely heavily on chance or luck because I usually lose. Here's a nerdy example: When running dungeons in WoW with my guild, there is only 1 other cloth wearer. There might be 4 drops through the entire dungeon that I even qualify for and I get how many? 1 per 3 or 4 RUNS. Ok, end nerd rant.
Basically the point I'm getting to is, I'm frustrated. This situation is not entirely what I expected it to be. Yes, there are jobs, yes they pay more than elsewhere, but if I had to pay for a place to live up here and everything, it wouldn't be worth it. I'm barely scraping by as it is.
On top of that, I get to sit and watch Pete have exactly what I want, and then tell me that he is low paid by oil field standards. Don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at Pete about it in the least, he's doing what he intended on doing and thats great, I'm proud of him. It just frustrates the living hell out of me because I pretty much saw this coming. As soon as he got hired on before I even left Vegas, I knew I'd be up here not finding anything. I had that gut feeling. And here I am. Failing at what I feel like is my last chance to be an adult and be responsible for myself. I can't spend the rest of my life working at places like Fast Food, or Walmart. Its not going to cut it. I had a plan, to get out of debt and go back to school.
But this is where I am. This is what I have to deal with.
Some people can have their luck, and get handed jobs and promotions and transfers. I'm not saying these people don't work hard, because I'm positive they do. I work hard, too. I may be lazy when it comes to my personal self, i.e. health, but when I'm hired to do a job I do it. I could just use a little bit of help in at least getting an interview. Could the fates tip their hats in my way, at all?
I just have to keep hy head down and keep trucking I guess. Luck be damned.
Friday, May 11, 2012
An Update.
Greetings, from the great..uh, brown north? What I mean is, everything here is currently covered in a thin layer of dirt/dust. It gets quite windy here. I mean, that would make sense because there is nothing to stop the wind from just blasting across the plains, but wow. It gets WINDY. I've started to notice a pattern. It will slowly creep up in temperature to nearly 80, then it gets windy as hell for a day or 2, and suddenly its 50 again and the cycle starts all over. Last nite was quite cold...
Yes. I'm still in the back of the Dakota. Yes, that means I'm still stuck working at Walmart. Yes, I really loathe that place. I cannot figure out how people work there for years. Its not that its hard work, its just that its soul sucking work. Every day is a marathon on my patience. From unpleasant customers, to complete morons (I try to be patient with most people, but some people are in danger of forgetting to breathe, I swear), to complete pricks.
On a positive note, I did get paid yesterday. I actually got paid more than I expected, which afforded me the chance to get a few things I wanted as oppose to needed, like new shoes (with built in gel insoles...so niiiice), sandals, and a nice dinner at Applebee's for me and Pete. I have all my bills paid for the month and I have some money to last until my next check, so I'm in ok shape for now.
Pete seems to be figuring out his place at work, which is good. He might be getting a work truck, which would make this a little less complicated as far as transportation goes. No more having to wake up and go into Walmart at 6 am, even though my shift starts at 2 pm. It frees up mornings to go searching for jobs, and it allows me to get a bit extra sleep, which, anyone that knows me can attest, I really benefit from a bit of extra sleep.
We also have a tenative date setup for our first trip back to IL. Should be sometime at the beginning of June. It will be nice to be surrounded by familiar people again. Part of trying to keep myself distant from the people up here is it can get lonely from time to time. But, it is what it is. I'm not up here to make friends.
I've been really up and down, personally, lately. I'm glad I have a job right now. I'm glad I'm able to pay my bills and use my "pseudo-homeless" story to entertain people, either at work or on this blog. A lot of people say they feel sorry for me that I have to sleep in a car. Please, don't. Understand, this was my choice. I am not forced, by any means, to do this. I could go back to IL or NV and have my own room and TV and computer and all that, but it wouldn't be MINE. I wouldn't be having this adventure and I wouldn't be happy. I'm still confident that coming up here was the right move, I'm just waiting for that right situation to kick in now. I'm a firm believer that things happen certain ways for a reason, I just need to find the reason for this one.
That doesn't change the fact that part of me still worries that I'm failing in finding that reason, but I'm not sure what else to do. If I find a place hiring, I apply. Pete tells me the names of places all the time that I can apply to, and I do, but I haven't gotten a bite yet. It's really incredibly frustrating sometimes. Some people like to complain that they lose a bunch of money to taxes. I wish I had that problem. I'm pretty sure Pete is paying more, per check, in taxes than I make per check. Kinda puts things into perspective there.
Nothing else has really changed. Walmart keeps insisting I work later in the afternoon. I'm not really happy about that, considering I had the discussion about working days with them when they hired me, but if Pete gets this truck to use, then it will be ok, since I won't have to worry about transport.
I have noticed one thing, though. A LOT of people up here are married at my age. I guess, that probably applies in most places, but I really notice it here, since I work directly with the public. I notice a lot of women with wedding rings. I'm not sure why I notice, but its something to kinda ponder. Am I starting to get to an age where all the marriageable women are becoming more and more rare? Eh. I'm can't really worry about that right now.
I talked to some guys at work that are supposedly supervisors out in the oil fields. I guess this area (Dickinson) is about to really boom this summer. They are supposed to be issuing a TON of permits for new wells and most of them are going to be in this area. So I guess this is the place to be. It might make finding a job a bit easier in the coming weeks. One could only hope. I want to make the big bucks. I really need a break.
That reminds me of something that happened yesterday. I was messing around on the laptop and Pete was screwing around across the table from me and he was flipping a pen in the air.
"Whoever gets the point towards them is going to have a great financial event happen to him soon," he said.
"Luck based events never work in my favor, Pete," I told him.
Sure enough, it pointed at him. We even re did it a couple times, but the point never favored me. I took a lesson from that, I guess, but it seemed more like common sense. You can't count on luck to bail you out, you have to keep working hard to get what you want. Luck be damned.
Yes. I'm still in the back of the Dakota. Yes, that means I'm still stuck working at Walmart. Yes, I really loathe that place. I cannot figure out how people work there for years. Its not that its hard work, its just that its soul sucking work. Every day is a marathon on my patience. From unpleasant customers, to complete morons (I try to be patient with most people, but some people are in danger of forgetting to breathe, I swear), to complete pricks.
On a positive note, I did get paid yesterday. I actually got paid more than I expected, which afforded me the chance to get a few things I wanted as oppose to needed, like new shoes (with built in gel insoles...so niiiice), sandals, and a nice dinner at Applebee's for me and Pete. I have all my bills paid for the month and I have some money to last until my next check, so I'm in ok shape for now.
Pete seems to be figuring out his place at work, which is good. He might be getting a work truck, which would make this a little less complicated as far as transportation goes. No more having to wake up and go into Walmart at 6 am, even though my shift starts at 2 pm. It frees up mornings to go searching for jobs, and it allows me to get a bit extra sleep, which, anyone that knows me can attest, I really benefit from a bit of extra sleep.
We also have a tenative date setup for our first trip back to IL. Should be sometime at the beginning of June. It will be nice to be surrounded by familiar people again. Part of trying to keep myself distant from the people up here is it can get lonely from time to time. But, it is what it is. I'm not up here to make friends.
I've been really up and down, personally, lately. I'm glad I have a job right now. I'm glad I'm able to pay my bills and use my "pseudo-homeless" story to entertain people, either at work or on this blog. A lot of people say they feel sorry for me that I have to sleep in a car. Please, don't. Understand, this was my choice. I am not forced, by any means, to do this. I could go back to IL or NV and have my own room and TV and computer and all that, but it wouldn't be MINE. I wouldn't be having this adventure and I wouldn't be happy. I'm still confident that coming up here was the right move, I'm just waiting for that right situation to kick in now. I'm a firm believer that things happen certain ways for a reason, I just need to find the reason for this one.
That doesn't change the fact that part of me still worries that I'm failing in finding that reason, but I'm not sure what else to do. If I find a place hiring, I apply. Pete tells me the names of places all the time that I can apply to, and I do, but I haven't gotten a bite yet. It's really incredibly frustrating sometimes. Some people like to complain that they lose a bunch of money to taxes. I wish I had that problem. I'm pretty sure Pete is paying more, per check, in taxes than I make per check. Kinda puts things into perspective there.
Nothing else has really changed. Walmart keeps insisting I work later in the afternoon. I'm not really happy about that, considering I had the discussion about working days with them when they hired me, but if Pete gets this truck to use, then it will be ok, since I won't have to worry about transport.
I have noticed one thing, though. A LOT of people up here are married at my age. I guess, that probably applies in most places, but I really notice it here, since I work directly with the public. I notice a lot of women with wedding rings. I'm not sure why I notice, but its something to kinda ponder. Am I starting to get to an age where all the marriageable women are becoming more and more rare? Eh. I'm can't really worry about that right now.
I talked to some guys at work that are supposedly supervisors out in the oil fields. I guess this area (Dickinson) is about to really boom this summer. They are supposed to be issuing a TON of permits for new wells and most of them are going to be in this area. So I guess this is the place to be. It might make finding a job a bit easier in the coming weeks. One could only hope. I want to make the big bucks. I really need a break.
That reminds me of something that happened yesterday. I was messing around on the laptop and Pete was screwing around across the table from me and he was flipping a pen in the air.
"Whoever gets the point towards them is going to have a great financial event happen to him soon," he said.
"Luck based events never work in my favor, Pete," I told him.
Sure enough, it pointed at him. We even re did it a couple times, but the point never favored me. I took a lesson from that, I guess, but it seemed more like common sense. You can't count on luck to bail you out, you have to keep working hard to get what you want. Luck be damned.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Patience as a virtue...
So I just got done working 5 days in a row at Walmart. Its nice to be working full time again. It really wasn't that bad, especially given that its broken into 4, 2-hour segments per day. The only downside is my right foot. My heel REALLY hurts, and I know it has to do with the fact that my shoes are woefully inadequate for standing 8+ hours a day. My heel, especially, hurts. A lot. So shoes will probably be purchased after my first big check.
I won't be getting much with my first check. Mostly I will be paying up on bills and then holding onto the rest for gas/emergencies. I really don't want to be at Walmart much longer. Not because of the work, I kinda like talking to people and stuff. Mostly because I came out here to be working for more than what I'm making here. i didn't travel 1000+ miles to scrape by. I came up here to work hard and get paid thusly, not get treated like crap by people that don't understand how their new food stamp card works, or why they can't get dog food with WIC. I mean, if you want to pay me 20+ an hour to get treated like crap, then by all means, call me a fat slob as you throw your debit card at me, but for 9.50 an hour? Have some decency.
I'm really happy I could find something out here as quick as I did, but I've reached a wall. I can get paid this much in Illinois, and have a consistent "home" and my own transportation, plus the proximity of friends and family in the process. I want more. Yes, I'm being selfish, but I came up here for more. I came up here in the hopes of getting 15+ an hour for 80+ hours a week, so I could do a few years, get out of debt, and regain control of my life. Somewhere in there is a part of me that wonders if I'm supposed to be stuck like this.
I can't afford to keep thinking that way, though. I just have to put my head down and push forward. Keep putting in applications and hope someone calls me. Its only a matter of time, right? If you do the work, it will come back to you, right?
I've touted karma for awhile now, its time karma paid me back...
Oh, I've been finding out some interesting things about Williston and the area. I guess the Walmart in Willison has gotten back to actually stocking shelves. They are so understaffed its not funny. I'm honestly waiting for management to start taking volunteers for day trips up there to help out. Then again, its not like we aren't busy here. Its very rare I don't have a line stretched out to the clothes, let alone a free moment to think.
Some Oil field people talked to me today in my like. They were telling me that Dickinson is getting ready to explode in size this summer. The way I interpreted it was this: the state is about to issue a bunch more drilling permits once the spring thaw is over, and most of them are for the Dickinson and Belfield area, so by fall the Oil people expect Dickinson to start to get like Williston is now, which is chaos.
Williston is actually trying to ban living in an RV within city limits. Seems like a "Yankee, go home" attitude to me. A bunch of businesses showed to to a city counsel meeting to protest, saying that they would lose 80% of their workforce if they had to uproot and leave, which could kill the town. Its nuts.
Tomorrow I have a day off, so that means its laundry day! I have an interview as well, plus a couple places to go look for applications as well. Maybe some rest for my aching foot, too.
Until next time.
I won't be getting much with my first check. Mostly I will be paying up on bills and then holding onto the rest for gas/emergencies. I really don't want to be at Walmart much longer. Not because of the work, I kinda like talking to people and stuff. Mostly because I came out here to be working for more than what I'm making here. i didn't travel 1000+ miles to scrape by. I came up here to work hard and get paid thusly, not get treated like crap by people that don't understand how their new food stamp card works, or why they can't get dog food with WIC. I mean, if you want to pay me 20+ an hour to get treated like crap, then by all means, call me a fat slob as you throw your debit card at me, but for 9.50 an hour? Have some decency.
I'm really happy I could find something out here as quick as I did, but I've reached a wall. I can get paid this much in Illinois, and have a consistent "home" and my own transportation, plus the proximity of friends and family in the process. I want more. Yes, I'm being selfish, but I came up here for more. I came up here in the hopes of getting 15+ an hour for 80+ hours a week, so I could do a few years, get out of debt, and regain control of my life. Somewhere in there is a part of me that wonders if I'm supposed to be stuck like this.
I can't afford to keep thinking that way, though. I just have to put my head down and push forward. Keep putting in applications and hope someone calls me. Its only a matter of time, right? If you do the work, it will come back to you, right?
I've touted karma for awhile now, its time karma paid me back...
Oh, I've been finding out some interesting things about Williston and the area. I guess the Walmart in Willison has gotten back to actually stocking shelves. They are so understaffed its not funny. I'm honestly waiting for management to start taking volunteers for day trips up there to help out. Then again, its not like we aren't busy here. Its very rare I don't have a line stretched out to the clothes, let alone a free moment to think.
Some Oil field people talked to me today in my like. They were telling me that Dickinson is getting ready to explode in size this summer. The way I interpreted it was this: the state is about to issue a bunch more drilling permits once the spring thaw is over, and most of them are for the Dickinson and Belfield area, so by fall the Oil people expect Dickinson to start to get like Williston is now, which is chaos.
Williston is actually trying to ban living in an RV within city limits. Seems like a "Yankee, go home" attitude to me. A bunch of businesses showed to to a city counsel meeting to protest, saying that they would lose 80% of their workforce if they had to uproot and leave, which could kill the town. Its nuts.
Tomorrow I have a day off, so that means its laundry day! I have an interview as well, plus a couple places to go look for applications as well. Maybe some rest for my aching foot, too.
Until next time.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My poor tootsies.
::sigh:
Sometimes nothing beats a nice hot shower.
Granted, my feet still hurt, my back is stiff, and for some reason my stomach has decided to be upset. That's fine though. I'll get past that, and it will be for the better.
I had no idea how out of shape I was until I tried standing in one spot for 8 hours. Yeah. But this is good. This job is for a reason. Its to get me back on my feet, back into the shape I thought I was in. Shape enough to do the HARD work later (or sooner, I hope).
Speaking of hard work. Right now, Pete is sitting across the table from me, wondering if he is going to have to go out on a call for his job. Its 10 PM. It kinda sucks, but c'est la vie. You only live once, and years later he will be able to tell the tale of that time he had to go off-roading in the fields of North Dakota in the middle of the night. Sounds kinda badass really.
I'm starting to find somewhat of a groove at Walmart. Thats not good. Its not bad, per se, but I really don't want to get attached to this job, because its not the money I want, or need. I'm starting to get quick on the register, and I'm starting to get better at bagging. That's the tough part for me. At first I was trying to adhere to some non-existant standard of bagging, but bagging is really an art. I could get into it, but really, you don't care.
I walked home the other nite, too. With a backpack. It wasn't TOO bad. 2.2 miles or something like that. Mostly downhill, too. I mean, yeah, I was tired, but I'm FAT, of course I was tired. It does me good, too, to get walking. Maybe the first time I come back to Illinois will shock some people. Maybe not, but with as little as I've been eating, and as much as I've been doing stuff, I HAVE to be losing weight.
There really isn't that much going on, otherwise. Occasionally at Walmart I'll come across a field worker that likes to chit chat and he will give me some routes to try for getting a job out there. I did talk to a guy from Target Logistics. I asked if he could get me an interview and he took my name, but I'm sure he was just being nice.
Oh. Apparantly it was hot today. I can't really be sure of that, since I spent the entirety of it indoors, but I could kinda tell from the constant wave of screaming crabby children today. 10 hours is really all I can take of toddler whine/screaming. After awhile it really justs cuts at your soul like a cheese grater. Seriously. If I ever have kids, that kind of public behavior will not be tolerated.
My next day off if Thursday. I have a few things on the agenda. I will probably update again then.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Ow, my brain.
Ok, so. Been a busy few days.
I started at Walmart yesterday. I had orientation for 8 hours. Watched some corny videos, read up on policy, filled out some paperwork. The typical fun orientation stuff. Today consisted of computer training programs for 9 hours. Tomorrow is probably going to be the same. My brain is already mush, so I have no idea how I'm going to get through it tomorrow.
On a positive note, my shirt and khaki's got here right on time, so that worked out. Thank's Gramma!
It keeps raining. Like, it started 2 nites ago, and keeps raining off and on. I did see the sun for about 12 minutes today. Then it rained again. Its raining right now. In case you didn't know, this is a pretty dirty state, so when it rains, it becomes a very muddy state. Very. Muddy. I hope it stops soon, because I don't want to habe to do another $3.50 load of laundry already.
I have an interview tomorrow. I'm probably going to sneak it in on my break at Walmart, during mind-numbing computer sim-o-rama. Its at the Holiday Inn for a housekeeping job. If it pays more or offers housing, I'm so there. I'm just tired of making the bare minimum. I need some kind of positive valuation.
Some creepy guy at Walmart yesterday tried talking to me as I was leaving. He was like, "How was orientation? Good? I really think you're going to like it here." But he said it all creepy, like he was lobotomized...
That's all I really have. Nothing philosophical this time. Just an update as to how we are doing. My brain is too squishy today.
Monday, April 16, 2012
+10 Days
Today is April 16th. We have been in North Dakota for 10 days now. A lot has happened in 10 days. Its all just one big blur to me.
Pete is "officially" starting his on the job training today. Thats good. Time for him to start racking in the hours. I start at Walmart on Wednesday, so thats more income. I really hope I get a call from somewhere else, making more money, though.
We had a bit of an incident yesterday involving housing. We were up in Pete's room at the house he was staying at, and we were being pretty quiet when his roomate came in and threw some kind of hissy fit over doors and a TV and sleep or something and then said something to the effect of "if I can't sleep then you better start looking for another place to live."
Way to be a dick.
Pete was pretty pissed, and rightfully so, I mean, it was uncalled for to blame 1 person of the 4 that live there, on top of the completely hostile approach he took towards it. Be a little more civil, and things would be different. So now Pete is looking into getting switched to a different house. I can't say I blame him. I wouldn't want to live with some punk that thinks he is lord of the manor in a rental house.
I'm starting to get used to sleeping in the back of this Dakota. So much so, that last nite I turned down a real bed because I felt more comfortable and safe in my little rolling apartment. Maybe its some form of Stockholm Syndrome, but I happen to think this thing is kind of cozy. Although, I did get to actually make a hot meal last nite. It was only stovetop ramen, but it was hot, and tasty.
I've been thinking lately about maturity. There is a saying that for some people High School never ends. I think its true, to some point, that some people never really evolve past that High School mentality. That isn't to say they are incapable of providing for a family or making a decent living. I think its more in the way people carry themselves.
I think what I'm asking is, at what point does one become an Adult, instead of an old kid? Is there some kind of turning point? Is it a change in the way one thinks, or handles priorities? Or is it a status, meaning "that guy has his shit together, he's a MAN!"
I'm not fooling myself, I know I have a lot of growing up to do. I'm not questioning my own adulthood. I know who I am and where I stand. In fact, I'm getting to know myself better and better on this trip and I'm learning what it takes to change the parts of myself I don't like. Is it that self-realization that makes one mature? Or is it that which allows one to embark on the path?
Maybe I'm approaching the question completely wrong. Maybe there is no "adult" status as an achieved thing. Maybe being an adult is simply the journey of continual growth. Maybe its the realization that one doesn't actually know everything, and is ok with that, given the will to improve. Maybe its the willingness to accept new knowledge, instead of argue with it, and apply it to the future.
Maybe I've been looking at this the wrong way for so long. It appears I may need to alter my approach here...
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Status Update
Just a quick update for everyone. Pete has moved into his housing. He is sharing a house with 3 other guys that work for the same company as him. Even 3 other people living there his rent is pretty big. I'll still be in the Dakota for the time being, out on the street in front of the house. Internet is intermittent here, but I might be able to swing something.
I start at Walmart on Wednesday, for orientation. I did have an interview for a housekeeping position at La Quinta Inn. Its a bit closer, so I can walk it if I have to, and it pays over $2 per hour more, so I'm hoping this girl calls me. Plus, it gives me actual housekeeping experience, so I can add that to my Target Logistics profile and increase my chances of getting hired there.
If this whole experience is teaching me anything, its patience. I used to think I was a patient person. Boy, was I wrong. I'm starting to see things that have happened, and things that could happen, and I see them as steps on a path that has to be traversed. You can't go straight from your point of origin to your destination in one step, ou have to take the steps in between to get there. That's how I'm viewing all of this. Being a Walmart cashier, or doing housekeeping might not be what I want to do out here, but its a means to an end. Its the steps I have to take between the nothing I have now, to the debt free life I want.
My mood still changes in waves, but the waves of optimism seem to be getting bigger and the waves of panic are shrinking. I still have this feeling deep down that this was the right thing to do and that things are working according to plan, but I can't help but have those voices that chime in asking, "what the hell are you doing?"
An astoundingly intelligent man who once was my English teacher once told me, "Every day you should do one thing that scares the living shit out of you. Make a wrong turn, try something new for dinner, whatever. That fear will fill you with the essence of life."
That's food for thought...
Friday, April 13, 2012
The waiting game.
This is... boring. I knew there would be a lot of waiting, but I had no idea how boring this would be. I've spent a vast majority of my time here either sitting in a car filling out application after application, or going from place to place, filling out application after application.
Yes, I did get an offer from Walmart, which I will probably take for now, just to get some cash coming in. That's not the point. I can make 9 bucks an hour back in Illinois, and have the comfort of home at the same time.
I came up here to find good work so I can work my ass off and climb out of debt, so I can live life on m own terms for a change. All I've gotten in the mean time is a pile of rejection. This was my biggest fear before I came up here. I'm trying to maintain a positive attitude, but lord knows its not easy.
Pete starts on the job tomorrow. His orientation finishes today and he is in the field tomorrow. Things seem to be working out for him, no matter how chaotic they have been. I guess as much is to be expected in an environment like this, where recruiters are probably running around like headless chickens.
Not having anything to do besides apply and apply and apply gives me time to think and all I can think about is how much I can't afford to not get something up here. I have a lot of time to stare failure in the face, because no matter how hard I try, the ghost of failure sits right in front of you waiting for you to just give up and accept him. All it takes is one "yes" to send him packing. I just want him to go away.
I've gotten used to sleeping in the Dakota. The mattress makes it really easy. Last nite was actually pretty nice, I actually had the windows cracked. Once Pete gets settled into his housing I might propose we take the mattress out and really clean out the Dakota. I've done my best to keep it neat and orderly, but some things need to be straightened out and tidied up. It really helps manage the small space and keep it pleasant to keep it clean and orderly. If I had one big piece of advice to anyone planning to live out of their car coming up here it would be that. Have a system of storage, a place for everything, and maintain it. Do not waiver from it. Then, when you need someting, you know exactly where it is, and you are not stressing over it.
Today might be the last day in Medora. I have no idea what happens from here. All I know is I need income, and I need it soon. If Walmart is all I have by the time Pete goes back to IL, I'm not coming back to ND. Like I said, I'd rather make 9 bucks an hour at home, than living in a car in a state 1000 miles from anyone I know. Until then I sit here and wait for the phone to ring... Oh how I want the phone to ring...
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