I'm sitting here in my parent's garage, on my first break away from North Dakota since I got a job. I'm telling you, I really needed it. I need a physical and mental reset. My body hurts, my mind is sore, and I've got the shortest fuse I've ever had. I've never dealt with such disorganization and childish "adults" in my life, but the pay is nice, so I'll stick around for awhile.
This break is kind of surreal for me. Its my first real victory lap in a long time. finally things are going my way. But it kind of feels bittersweet, because everything is changing drastically. My parents sold the house and are moving to Florida in 3 days. My last real safety net here is leaving. I'll always have safety nets, but geographically, now, the only thing letting me stay in Illinois is myself. Its sad, at 28 years old, but this is the first time I've had to balance my livelihood on my own. I'm kinda scared.
North Dakota sucks. I'm just going to flat out say it. And I'm glad it sucks, because there will be no emotion keeping me there when I decide to finally leave, however long that takes. I'm tired of the complete chaos at work, the constant threats, and the stress of not knowing whats going to happen day in and day out. I'm tired of being tired, my legs hurting, and my feet being absolutely on fire. In understand that there is a such thing as hard work, and whatnot, but 51 days with no break wears on one.
But, I did this to myself. I got into debt foolishly and I'm working my way out of it. I did meet my goal for the first trip, and paid off my credit cards. Now I need to start saving so I can pay off loans. It looks like a big mountain to climb, but when I look back only 8 weeks, I have already come a long way.
If all goes well, I'm only 4 weeks of work away from getting medical insurance. As soon as that card is in my hand, I'm making appointments and I'm getting my sleep fixed. I need that more than anything. That is my number one goal right now. Get insurance and save money. That's it.
Once I can focus on things better and sleep better, I can move up from where I am. Once I get out of debt, I won't be held down in my life decisions by the 10 ton elephant I have to lug around. I'm on my way, I just need to keep the momentum up.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Update: Halfway mark.
Yeah. Its been awhile. I've been so busy, and so tired. I'm actually kind of amazed I'm sitting down to write this post, as I'm barely awake. Funny, its not even 9 and I'm falling asleep.
Things at work are going smoothly. As smoothly as a 12 hour a day, 7 day a week shift can go. Some days are frantic, and I barely have the time to get everything done. Some days are slow, and I struggle to find things to fill up the day. Some days I have enough energy to run laps around the building, and some days I barely have the energy to force myself up the stairs to my floor to work. I'm not complaining. This is exactly what I expected.
Things weren't so smooth at first. It was very much a "dive right in" approach to training me. As a result I had a few struggles to overcome, but I did so, and I did so in a fashion that demonstrated to management that I am a good worker, regardless of a personal expertise on the working subject. Basically, I didn't do my job well, but I expressed a willingness to learn, and that impressed my supervisors.
The job doesn't come without its drama, but I've attempted to separate myself from it. Other people's suffering is not my own suffering to deal with, and the faster I acknowledge that, the faster I can get on to making myself happy.
That is one thing I can say. I am happy. Not happy as in I could see myself doing this forever, but happy in that I'm climbing out of my own pit of depression, and filling in the hole as I climb out. I might not be out of debt, but I'm certainly on my way. Even my first half of a paycheck was enough to get things caught up and my feet on solid ground. There is definitely a weight no longer on my shoulders.
I really don't know what else to say. This whole experience is kinda what I expected. I think I'm more tired than I expected. There was part of me that didnt think I could make the whole 7.5 week first stint, but now that I'm halfway, I'm sure I'll be fine. Especially since I'm at the point where days are starting to blur together now. Once I get to work in the morning, load up a podcast, and do my bathrooms, its already 11 am and a big part of the day is over. As much as I've been the kind of person that tries to not make days go by faster, doing so up here makes things a lot easier to deal with.
But, there it is. Its time for me to go to bed. I need my sleeps.
Things at work are going smoothly. As smoothly as a 12 hour a day, 7 day a week shift can go. Some days are frantic, and I barely have the time to get everything done. Some days are slow, and I struggle to find things to fill up the day. Some days I have enough energy to run laps around the building, and some days I barely have the energy to force myself up the stairs to my floor to work. I'm not complaining. This is exactly what I expected.
Things weren't so smooth at first. It was very much a "dive right in" approach to training me. As a result I had a few struggles to overcome, but I did so, and I did so in a fashion that demonstrated to management that I am a good worker, regardless of a personal expertise on the working subject. Basically, I didn't do my job well, but I expressed a willingness to learn, and that impressed my supervisors.
The job doesn't come without its drama, but I've attempted to separate myself from it. Other people's suffering is not my own suffering to deal with, and the faster I acknowledge that, the faster I can get on to making myself happy.
That is one thing I can say. I am happy. Not happy as in I could see myself doing this forever, but happy in that I'm climbing out of my own pit of depression, and filling in the hole as I climb out. I might not be out of debt, but I'm certainly on my way. Even my first half of a paycheck was enough to get things caught up and my feet on solid ground. There is definitely a weight no longer on my shoulders.
I really don't know what else to say. This whole experience is kinda what I expected. I think I'm more tired than I expected. There was part of me that didnt think I could make the whole 7.5 week first stint, but now that I'm halfway, I'm sure I'll be fine. Especially since I'm at the point where days are starting to blur together now. Once I get to work in the morning, load up a podcast, and do my bathrooms, its already 11 am and a big part of the day is over. As much as I've been the kind of person that tries to not make days go by faster, doing so up here makes things a lot easier to deal with.
But, there it is. Its time for me to go to bed. I need my sleeps.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Informational: What to Bring
There are some blogs out there that have touched on this, but I feel like they don't emphasize certain things, so I'm going to talk a bit about it too. What should you bring with you, if you decide to come to North Dakota?
First, and foremost, is Drive. Yeah, it sounds silly and cliché, but one thing you have to consider is that there are hundreds, even thousands of people up here looking for work. You have to separate yourself from them and have a drive and will to get employed. You have to be ready and willing to put in applications all day, and when you're not applying somewhere, you need to be calling the places you already applied and pestering them for an interview. It could take a day, it could take a month, but you have to have the drive to see the mission out to its goal.
Some obvious things to bring with you are clothes, but what kind of clothes should you bring? Some people recommend bringing 2 full weeks worth of clothes or more. My friend brought about 20 pairs of jeans and about 20 T-shirts. This can be both a good and a bad thing. If you get a job on a rig, where you are actually out in the field for a month at a time, then this makes for less laundry you have to do while you are working. That's great, because you probably won't have time to do laundry, anyway. However, if you get one of the many jobs that isn't in the middle of nowhere, purchasing that much ahead of time could take money away from other things that may lengthen your trip, especially if you come up here without a job already lined up.
You also have to consider what type of clothes to bring. I talked a bit last week about how unpredictable the weather can be out here. You should pack accordingly. Even if you are coming up here in the middle of summer, I would bring a jacket, and a long sleeve shirt or 2. You can bring shorts if you want, but you will only really be able to wear them at your house or man camp in the evening, so basketball shorts would probably be better and more comfortable. Granted, this all goes out the window when winter comes. Then you want the warmest things you can get your hand on, and in multiple sizes, so you can layer on the colder it gets.
Footwear you want to bring is pretty basic. You want Steel Toe boots for whatever job you get, sneakers for driving, and some kind of shower shoe, because chances are you will be sharing a shower with complete strangers, and when you mix a bunch of guys working 12 hours a day all taking showers in one shower, Athlete's foot becomes very prevalent. A shower shoe will prevent this from happening. Remember, its like Lt. Dan always said, you gotta keep your feet in line.
Aside from clothes, there are other things to bring. You will probably need bedding, but its hard to know what kind of bed you will get. My recommendation is to get a nice comforter, and get the sheets later. Also, you will need toiletries. A small bag with your shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothbrush/paste, etc. would suffice. Also, don't forget optics. If you wear glasses or contacts, make sure you have backups. Contact wearers should bring 3 months supply, if you have it. Being stranded in North Dakota with no way to see where you are going is no way to be.
One thing people may overlook when packing for a trip to North Dakota is documentation. Birth Certificate, passport, high school diploma, social security card, vehicle insurance and registration information, driver's license. Also a notebook/planner, and a bunch of pens to write down names, addresses, interview appointments, etc. These are the main items to consider. You also might want to bring checking account information, or a few checks to use when setting up direct deposit with a new employer. It is always better to have these items and not need them, then to need them and have to pay astronomical prices to have them sent to you overnight.
If you plan on living out of your car and looking for work, you have to consider size of things, and ability to pack them efficiently. It can be a lot like Tetris, but when you are living in a small space, any amount of extra room can make a big difference in moral. Bringing things like plastic bags to contain garbage, some detailing wipes, to keep the interior clean and not smelling can do wonders to help make you feel more comfortable in your car and keep your moral high.
Don't be too eager to bring too many electronics. First off, if you don't have a job, keeping them charged is going to be a pain in the butt, and second, if you do have a job, you're not going to have much time to play with them. Bring a laptop and a cell phone, and their respective chargers. That's great because the internet can give you a means to find work, plus a means to communicate with home. Netflix can be a great way to wind down at night, too.
Some people might consider pots and pans. I wouldn't really recommend it, because you could end up at a man camp, or you could be living out of your car for awhile, and pots and pans take up a lot of room. You can always pick up a cheap setup at Walmart, or just wait until your first trip home.
That about wraps up my list of recommendations. This is pretty much what I brought, and it seems to be working out ok. If you have any questions about a specific item, or think I'm wrong about something, leave a comment and I'll try to respond.
First, and foremost, is Drive. Yeah, it sounds silly and cliché, but one thing you have to consider is that there are hundreds, even thousands of people up here looking for work. You have to separate yourself from them and have a drive and will to get employed. You have to be ready and willing to put in applications all day, and when you're not applying somewhere, you need to be calling the places you already applied and pestering them for an interview. It could take a day, it could take a month, but you have to have the drive to see the mission out to its goal.
Some obvious things to bring with you are clothes, but what kind of clothes should you bring? Some people recommend bringing 2 full weeks worth of clothes or more. My friend brought about 20 pairs of jeans and about 20 T-shirts. This can be both a good and a bad thing. If you get a job on a rig, where you are actually out in the field for a month at a time, then this makes for less laundry you have to do while you are working. That's great, because you probably won't have time to do laundry, anyway. However, if you get one of the many jobs that isn't in the middle of nowhere, purchasing that much ahead of time could take money away from other things that may lengthen your trip, especially if you come up here without a job already lined up.
You also have to consider what type of clothes to bring. I talked a bit last week about how unpredictable the weather can be out here. You should pack accordingly. Even if you are coming up here in the middle of summer, I would bring a jacket, and a long sleeve shirt or 2. You can bring shorts if you want, but you will only really be able to wear them at your house or man camp in the evening, so basketball shorts would probably be better and more comfortable. Granted, this all goes out the window when winter comes. Then you want the warmest things you can get your hand on, and in multiple sizes, so you can layer on the colder it gets.
Footwear you want to bring is pretty basic. You want Steel Toe boots for whatever job you get, sneakers for driving, and some kind of shower shoe, because chances are you will be sharing a shower with complete strangers, and when you mix a bunch of guys working 12 hours a day all taking showers in one shower, Athlete's foot becomes very prevalent. A shower shoe will prevent this from happening. Remember, its like Lt. Dan always said, you gotta keep your feet in line.
Aside from clothes, there are other things to bring. You will probably need bedding, but its hard to know what kind of bed you will get. My recommendation is to get a nice comforter, and get the sheets later. Also, you will need toiletries. A small bag with your shampoo, conditioner, soap, toothbrush/paste, etc. would suffice. Also, don't forget optics. If you wear glasses or contacts, make sure you have backups. Contact wearers should bring 3 months supply, if you have it. Being stranded in North Dakota with no way to see where you are going is no way to be.
One thing people may overlook when packing for a trip to North Dakota is documentation. Birth Certificate, passport, high school diploma, social security card, vehicle insurance and registration information, driver's license. Also a notebook/planner, and a bunch of pens to write down names, addresses, interview appointments, etc. These are the main items to consider. You also might want to bring checking account information, or a few checks to use when setting up direct deposit with a new employer. It is always better to have these items and not need them, then to need them and have to pay astronomical prices to have them sent to you overnight.
If you plan on living out of your car and looking for work, you have to consider size of things, and ability to pack them efficiently. It can be a lot like Tetris, but when you are living in a small space, any amount of extra room can make a big difference in moral. Bringing things like plastic bags to contain garbage, some detailing wipes, to keep the interior clean and not smelling can do wonders to help make you feel more comfortable in your car and keep your moral high.
Don't be too eager to bring too many electronics. First off, if you don't have a job, keeping them charged is going to be a pain in the butt, and second, if you do have a job, you're not going to have much time to play with them. Bring a laptop and a cell phone, and their respective chargers. That's great because the internet can give you a means to find work, plus a means to communicate with home. Netflix can be a great way to wind down at night, too.
Some people might consider pots and pans. I wouldn't really recommend it, because you could end up at a man camp, or you could be living out of your car for awhile, and pots and pans take up a lot of room. You can always pick up a cheap setup at Walmart, or just wait until your first trip home.
That about wraps up my list of recommendations. This is pretty much what I brought, and it seems to be working out ok. If you have any questions about a specific item, or think I'm wrong about something, leave a comment and I'll try to respond.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Update: Employment
Well. It was bound to happen. Even I could only fail for so long.
Yes, kids, that's right. I. Got. A. Job.
Yes, I, the self-doubting king of emo, found a job.
All joking aside, I really did get an offer. I'm not going to mention the name of the company, because, honestly, I don't even know if I'm allowed to do that on a blog. I don't want to risk screwing myself out of this opportunity, so I will just say that I will be working a ton of hours, and making enough to justify making the trips up here, at least until I get my debt paid off.
A lot of you supported me, and I an thankful for that. It helped me to keep my head up and stay positive. I applied to so many jobs I can't even begin to come up with a number. Persistence pays off, I guess.
The job is going to be up in Williston, which is kind of a bummer, because I kind of like it in Dickinson, but I'm not being picky. I'm sure, once I get established here, there will be opportunity to move around the company and maybe end up here again. Not that it really matters, I mean, I'm getting paid, right?
Its going to be a slow process, but now I can finally concentrate on throwing gobs of money at my debtors, in the hopes of finally becoming free again. I'm tired of living my life as a wage slave, constantly stressed out over whats going to happen because I can't pay my bills.
Oh. I imagine I'm going to have a ton of time to listen to music and podcasts while I'm doing the work I will be doing, so if you have any suggestions on good podcasts to listen to, I'm all ears. I currently listen to most of the stuff on the Smodcast Network, a couple things on TWiT and Rev3, and a couple wrestling podcasts (3CR, and Art of Wrestling).
Its going to be weird being so far removed from anyone I know. It was kinda weird when I moved to Las Vegas 4 years ago, but at least then I had family. It was kinda weird coming up here 3 months ago, too, but at least then I had a friend here. When I leave for Williston on Sunday, I'm going to be venturing off on my own for the first time in my life. Yes, Pete will still be 2 hours away, but this will be the furthest I've ever been removed from friend or family in my life. Part of me is scared, part of me is numb to it. After all, in 6 weeks I'll be back to visit everyone. Its kind of like a prison sentence, except not at all like prison, and I get to leave from time to time. I did my "crimes of consumerism" and now I have to go away and work until I pay for those "crimes."
So, does this mean that Act 2 is starting?
Yes, kids, that's right. I. Got. A. Job.
Yes, I, the self-doubting king of emo, found a job.
All joking aside, I really did get an offer. I'm not going to mention the name of the company, because, honestly, I don't even know if I'm allowed to do that on a blog. I don't want to risk screwing myself out of this opportunity, so I will just say that I will be working a ton of hours, and making enough to justify making the trips up here, at least until I get my debt paid off.
A lot of you supported me, and I an thankful for that. It helped me to keep my head up and stay positive. I applied to so many jobs I can't even begin to come up with a number. Persistence pays off, I guess.
The job is going to be up in Williston, which is kind of a bummer, because I kind of like it in Dickinson, but I'm not being picky. I'm sure, once I get established here, there will be opportunity to move around the company and maybe end up here again. Not that it really matters, I mean, I'm getting paid, right?
Its going to be a slow process, but now I can finally concentrate on throwing gobs of money at my debtors, in the hopes of finally becoming free again. I'm tired of living my life as a wage slave, constantly stressed out over whats going to happen because I can't pay my bills.
Oh. I imagine I'm going to have a ton of time to listen to music and podcasts while I'm doing the work I will be doing, so if you have any suggestions on good podcasts to listen to, I'm all ears. I currently listen to most of the stuff on the Smodcast Network, a couple things on TWiT and Rev3, and a couple wrestling podcasts (3CR, and Art of Wrestling).
Its going to be weird being so far removed from anyone I know. It was kinda weird when I moved to Las Vegas 4 years ago, but at least then I had family. It was kinda weird coming up here 3 months ago, too, but at least then I had a friend here. When I leave for Williston on Sunday, I'm going to be venturing off on my own for the first time in my life. Yes, Pete will still be 2 hours away, but this will be the furthest I've ever been removed from friend or family in my life. Part of me is scared, part of me is numb to it. After all, in 6 weeks I'll be back to visit everyone. Its kind of like a prison sentence, except not at all like prison, and I get to leave from time to time. I did my "crimes of consumerism" and now I have to go away and work until I pay for those "crimes."
So, does this mean that Act 2 is starting?
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Informational: What to Expect in North Dakota
Some people have asked me what its like up here in North Dakota. I guess they are curious as to the appeal this place has that made me want to come up here to seek work to begin with.
The truth is, its not a very appealing place.
I apologize to any North Dakota natives, but I'm just being honest. If there wasn't work up here, I would probably not be here. Its not that its completely inhospitable. Its just not... pleasant.
I will say this, the scenery can be very beautiful. In the nearly 3 months I've been up here, I've seen amazing, picturesque displays. I've seen crystal clear days from the top of a Badland hill, where the landscape stretches on until its drops off the horizon. I've watched a microburst cell race across the plains to the south from the top of a hill, all while staying in direct sunlight the whole time.
That being said, there are some things that anyone coming up here should be ready for. The weather is one of them. I used to think that Illinois weather was about as temperamental as is got. Then I came here. It can go from 80 and sunny, to 60 and rainy in no time, and for no apparent reason. One day it can be 50 and cloudy, the next day its 100 and humid. There is one constant, however, and that is the WIND. Its is constantly windy here.
Something else I've noticed about this place is just how spread out it is. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting sprawling metropolis, but I can say that my perspective on a 2 hour road trip has changed dramatically. I'm used to the nearest town worth mentioning being about 30 minutes at most. Out here the nearest town/city worth mentioning is Bismark, which is about 90 minutes. The next closest is Williston, and that is just over 2 hours on a good day.
The people, for the most part, are nice up here. I've met a few angry old codgers up here, but they aren't as common. They tend to avoid the established cities (i.e. Dickinson, Williston, Minot). Most people greet you with a smile and wish you a good day, which is a far cry from anything I've experienced in both Illinois and Las Vegas.
The culture is different. Not different as in bad or foreign. People just aren't caught up on stupid things like the Octomom or Porn Star Kim Kardashian. People tend to concern themselves with things that actually matter, like family, each others well being, and the community. It can be kind of tough being an outsider and not having a vested interest or knowledge of what most people are talking about, but its a minute detail, really.
Being that this is the middle of an Oil Boom, there are Men. LOTS of Men from out of town. It can lead to some very tense atmospheres in some places. Dickinson isn't bad right now, but Williston constantly feels like something bad is lurking around the corner. I'm not saying you're going to get mugged at every stop light, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep your wits about you if you're planning on going there.
Housing. Where do I even start? If whatever job you get doesn't provide for some kind of housing solution, its probably not worth taking the job. By the time you actually find a vacant place to stay, and pay for it, you'll be coming out just about even. One bedroom apartments in Dickinson go from between 1800 and 2200 a month, from what I'm hearing. I don't have a reference to back me up on that, but that's what co-workers told me they were paying. By the time you consider a security deposit, first and last month's rent, and utilities, you are not going to be making much. Sure, you can live out of your car, but once the temperature drops, that isn't going to be feasible. I'm not exaggerating when I say that on the colder days of the Winter, sleeping in your car can very well kill you. Temps of 40 below zero aren't anything to mess with.
For the most part, North Dakota has been what I expected it to be. I can honestly say I wasn't expecting it to be as spread out as it is, and the amount of wind caught me off guard. I had also heard that the locals didn't care for the out of town people so much, but it hasn't been anything remotely hostile in my experience. I hope this shed a light on what to expect when you come up here.
The truth is, its not a very appealing place.
I apologize to any North Dakota natives, but I'm just being honest. If there wasn't work up here, I would probably not be here. Its not that its completely inhospitable. Its just not... pleasant.
I will say this, the scenery can be very beautiful. In the nearly 3 months I've been up here, I've seen amazing, picturesque displays. I've seen crystal clear days from the top of a Badland hill, where the landscape stretches on until its drops off the horizon. I've watched a microburst cell race across the plains to the south from the top of a hill, all while staying in direct sunlight the whole time.
That being said, there are some things that anyone coming up here should be ready for. The weather is one of them. I used to think that Illinois weather was about as temperamental as is got. Then I came here. It can go from 80 and sunny, to 60 and rainy in no time, and for no apparent reason. One day it can be 50 and cloudy, the next day its 100 and humid. There is one constant, however, and that is the WIND. Its is constantly windy here.
Something else I've noticed about this place is just how spread out it is. Now, don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting sprawling metropolis, but I can say that my perspective on a 2 hour road trip has changed dramatically. I'm used to the nearest town worth mentioning being about 30 minutes at most. Out here the nearest town/city worth mentioning is Bismark, which is about 90 minutes. The next closest is Williston, and that is just over 2 hours on a good day.
The people, for the most part, are nice up here. I've met a few angry old codgers up here, but they aren't as common. They tend to avoid the established cities (i.e. Dickinson, Williston, Minot). Most people greet you with a smile and wish you a good day, which is a far cry from anything I've experienced in both Illinois and Las Vegas.
The culture is different. Not different as in bad or foreign. People just aren't caught up on stupid things like the Octomom or Porn Star Kim Kardashian. People tend to concern themselves with things that actually matter, like family, each others well being, and the community. It can be kind of tough being an outsider and not having a vested interest or knowledge of what most people are talking about, but its a minute detail, really.
Being that this is the middle of an Oil Boom, there are Men. LOTS of Men from out of town. It can lead to some very tense atmospheres in some places. Dickinson isn't bad right now, but Williston constantly feels like something bad is lurking around the corner. I'm not saying you're going to get mugged at every stop light, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to keep your wits about you if you're planning on going there.
Housing. Where do I even start? If whatever job you get doesn't provide for some kind of housing solution, its probably not worth taking the job. By the time you actually find a vacant place to stay, and pay for it, you'll be coming out just about even. One bedroom apartments in Dickinson go from between 1800 and 2200 a month, from what I'm hearing. I don't have a reference to back me up on that, but that's what co-workers told me they were paying. By the time you consider a security deposit, first and last month's rent, and utilities, you are not going to be making much. Sure, you can live out of your car, but once the temperature drops, that isn't going to be feasible. I'm not exaggerating when I say that on the colder days of the Winter, sleeping in your car can very well kill you. Temps of 40 below zero aren't anything to mess with.
For the most part, North Dakota has been what I expected it to be. I can honestly say I wasn't expecting it to be as spread out as it is, and the amount of wind caught me off guard. I had also heard that the locals didn't care for the out of town people so much, but it hasn't been anything remotely hostile in my experience. I hope this shed a light on what to expect when you come up here.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Nature is balance...
Have you ever noticed how the world tends to balance itself out? It seems like whatever you do in life to tip the scales, something happens on the other side to balance itself out.
It seems like knowing this would offer a great chance to game the system. If you constantly put nothing but positive into life, then, by nature's balance, you should get nothing but positive out of it. Seems like a solid plan. Almost fool proof, if you believe in such a concept.
But its not that easy.
Our egos take over. We get selfish. We start to wonder, "Why do bad things happen to me," without considering what sort of negativity we may have wrought. We feel doubt, self pity, and we take it out on the world. The emotional mind can be very persuasive. Trust me, I know.
Its very easy to lose sight of what is important in life, because you are having a bad streak (which, ironically, can be a self-fulfilling loop in itself). Your mind can convince you that the world just doesn't want you to succeed. You might miss out on opportunities that you are certain you deserve, you might lose something you cherish for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Its times like these when people tell you, "Just stay positive." But its hard. Its difficult to see through the cloud of negativity you are in. Trust me, I know.
I was struggling with this for a while. I seemed to have everything going for me. I had a decent job that I liked and was progressing at. I was getting healthy and losing a ton of weight. I was, dare I say it, happy. I don't mean, content with life. I mean, I was genuinely happy with where I was in life. I was riding the karma train and profiting from it.
Then something took that away. It doesn't matter what, or why. The important thing is the way I reacted. I let one negative thing derail my karma train. I got lost in a cloud of negativity and let it consume me, almost willingly. In blur I lost my job, my health, and my happiness. I fell into a pit of self loathing, and I let a world of negativity envelop me. I became convinced that I was destined for bad things to happen, and just accepted failure as my path in life.
I was wrong.
I want you to read that again, so you might learn from my mistake.
I was WRONG.
I'm not going to preach to you, like some pompous self-help guru. The fact of the matter is, if you could help yourself, you wouldn't be in a world of hurt to begin with.
I will say this, though: As cheesy as it sounds, never let yourself lose sight of positivity.
I know. It sounds cliché. But its true. Positivity breeds positivity.
I had myself convinced that coming back to North Dakota for a 2nd trip was a mistake. I was convinced that the first trip was a mistake. I kept telling myself that coming up here is just going to lead to failure after failure and when all is said and done I'm going to end up moving back with my parents and being a worthless drain on them.
But then something clicked.
I don't know if it was Pete being persistently positive in my face when I was nothing but depressing, or if my brain finally broke, but something clicked. I decided that, no matter what, it doesn't matter if I get a job up here or not. I came up with a backup plan, and I dove head first into coming back.
As soon as I did that, I started getting phone calls. I got a call from an old college buddy about an IT job that I ultimately wasn't quite qualified for, but still considered me. That was a huge confidence boost. I might not have gotten that job, but it went a long way to helping me pull my head out of the smog (Thank you Tim.).
Then, Saturday I got a call from one of my top choices for work up here. The phone interview went well, and long story short, I did a drug test today. Now I just wait to hear back from them.
The point this long post is trying to make, is to always remember karma. Always mind the balance that life tries to achieve. I'm not saying you need to donate all your money to charity or volunteer for the peace corps, but holding the door open for someone, asking someone how his day is, or just smiling back at someone can create a positive imbalance in your favor.
I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't lived it. Trust me. I know.
It seems like knowing this would offer a great chance to game the system. If you constantly put nothing but positive into life, then, by nature's balance, you should get nothing but positive out of it. Seems like a solid plan. Almost fool proof, if you believe in such a concept.
But its not that easy.
Our egos take over. We get selfish. We start to wonder, "Why do bad things happen to me," without considering what sort of negativity we may have wrought. We feel doubt, self pity, and we take it out on the world. The emotional mind can be very persuasive. Trust me, I know.
Its very easy to lose sight of what is important in life, because you are having a bad streak (which, ironically, can be a self-fulfilling loop in itself). Your mind can convince you that the world just doesn't want you to succeed. You might miss out on opportunities that you are certain you deserve, you might lose something you cherish for no apparent reason whatsoever.
Its times like these when people tell you, "Just stay positive." But its hard. Its difficult to see through the cloud of negativity you are in. Trust me, I know.
I was struggling with this for a while. I seemed to have everything going for me. I had a decent job that I liked and was progressing at. I was getting healthy and losing a ton of weight. I was, dare I say it, happy. I don't mean, content with life. I mean, I was genuinely happy with where I was in life. I was riding the karma train and profiting from it.
Then something took that away. It doesn't matter what, or why. The important thing is the way I reacted. I let one negative thing derail my karma train. I got lost in a cloud of negativity and let it consume me, almost willingly. In blur I lost my job, my health, and my happiness. I fell into a pit of self loathing, and I let a world of negativity envelop me. I became convinced that I was destined for bad things to happen, and just accepted failure as my path in life.
I was wrong.
I want you to read that again, so you might learn from my mistake.
I was WRONG.
I'm not going to preach to you, like some pompous self-help guru. The fact of the matter is, if you could help yourself, you wouldn't be in a world of hurt to begin with.
I will say this, though: As cheesy as it sounds, never let yourself lose sight of positivity.
I know. It sounds cliché. But its true. Positivity breeds positivity.
I had myself convinced that coming back to North Dakota for a 2nd trip was a mistake. I was convinced that the first trip was a mistake. I kept telling myself that coming up here is just going to lead to failure after failure and when all is said and done I'm going to end up moving back with my parents and being a worthless drain on them.
But then something clicked.
I don't know if it was Pete being persistently positive in my face when I was nothing but depressing, or if my brain finally broke, but something clicked. I decided that, no matter what, it doesn't matter if I get a job up here or not. I came up with a backup plan, and I dove head first into coming back.
As soon as I did that, I started getting phone calls. I got a call from an old college buddy about an IT job that I ultimately wasn't quite qualified for, but still considered me. That was a huge confidence boost. I might not have gotten that job, but it went a long way to helping me pull my head out of the smog (Thank you Tim.).
Then, Saturday I got a call from one of my top choices for work up here. The phone interview went well, and long story short, I did a drug test today. Now I just wait to hear back from them.
The point this long post is trying to make, is to always remember karma. Always mind the balance that life tries to achieve. I'm not saying you need to donate all your money to charity or volunteer for the peace corps, but holding the door open for someone, asking someone how his day is, or just smiling back at someone can create a positive imbalance in your favor.
I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't lived it. Trust me. I know.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
First Trip Back
We made our first trip back to Illinois. After being in North Dakota for 2 months, we are back home for a 2 week holiday, to rest and recharge.
Pete can really use it. He's been going for 9 weeks now. The nice part for him, is that this should be the longest period of time he spends away from now on. Barring some kind of weather catastrophe like a Blizzard, he should be going back after only 6 weeks now.
I had a somewhat busy week last week. I took a trip up to Williston to poke my head in some places that I had applied and to apply some more places. I still don't like it up there. I did my best to stay away from downtown and Walmart once I did my initial visit. It just didn't feel safe. Too many people that were too pissed off in too small of a space. I can confirm, though, that the rumors about the Walmart are true. The place is very dirty, lines were epically long, and all the pallets of stuff were just sitting in the aisles, meaning 2 things; finding what you wanted became a scavenger hunt, and actually traversing the aisles was as adventure in and of itself.
I came back after about 30 hours so I could go to a Job Fair in Dickinson, but that ended up being a glorified resume drop.
Some good(ish) news did come that afternoon, though, as I got a call from MBI wanting me to do an interview over Skype, so tomorrow I have that. The position they asked about was a Field Frac Operator. Not completely sure what that job entails, but its 70+ hours at 17 bucks an hour with benefits. I know I can do the job, its a matter of convincing the recruiters of that.
Oh, I get to sleep in a queen sized bed while I'm here. I don't know what to do with all the space! I can spread out and sleep in luxury!
Yeah. Its kinda sad. But really funny.
Pete can really use it. He's been going for 9 weeks now. The nice part for him, is that this should be the longest period of time he spends away from now on. Barring some kind of weather catastrophe like a Blizzard, he should be going back after only 6 weeks now.
I had a somewhat busy week last week. I took a trip up to Williston to poke my head in some places that I had applied and to apply some more places. I still don't like it up there. I did my best to stay away from downtown and Walmart once I did my initial visit. It just didn't feel safe. Too many people that were too pissed off in too small of a space. I can confirm, though, that the rumors about the Walmart are true. The place is very dirty, lines were epically long, and all the pallets of stuff were just sitting in the aisles, meaning 2 things; finding what you wanted became a scavenger hunt, and actually traversing the aisles was as adventure in and of itself.
I came back after about 30 hours so I could go to a Job Fair in Dickinson, but that ended up being a glorified resume drop.
Some good(ish) news did come that afternoon, though, as I got a call from MBI wanting me to do an interview over Skype, so tomorrow I have that. The position they asked about was a Field Frac Operator. Not completely sure what that job entails, but its 70+ hours at 17 bucks an hour with benefits. I know I can do the job, its a matter of convincing the recruiters of that.
Oh, I get to sleep in a queen sized bed while I'm here. I don't know what to do with all the space! I can spread out and sleep in luxury!
Yeah. Its kinda sad. But really funny.
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